Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Law of Balance

I have been naive. After years of self-improvement I thought my life would get better.  It isn't.  For it to get better it also has to get worse.

You have to lose your mind and when you do you will never know who you are because you won't recognize yourself and nothing will look familiar.  Things will change faster than you have ever experienced, but you won't have any control over what they change into.  You become dependent on the universe.

You want to be independent, but you don't want to equally be dependent.

If I move into one direction the scale has to adjust the other direction. Without darkness you don't know light.  Bittersweet.

I HATE MY LIFE. (I must also love it to the same degree than).
My life is getting worse. This means it must also be getting better.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Nothing has to change

The Yes Man

All my efforts have been poured into the illusion that I have to change things to have a better life, that I can't have a better life unless things change.  Nothing has to change.  I don't need more money to have a better life.  I don't need different circumstance to have a better life.

I have to let anything and everything in and allow it to massage me instead of keeping it at bay.  Like the movie  'The Yes Man' with Jim Carrey where he says yes to everything.  I don't get to say no.  The universe doesn't know no, it only knows yes.  Saying 'yes' allows me to have a bigger life.

Saying 'yes' gets under my skin.  What I attract into my life is not what I want.  I want less.  As I expand bigger things show up.  My life is opening up to anything and everything. 

Friday, December 16, 2011

Nothing is as it seems - 10 reasons

When 10 people witness the same event you get 10 different reports of the event making it look like different events all together.

The mind cannot interpret reality.  Our thoughts are only a report on a condition in us, it doesn't make it real.  Everything is made up.

If nothing is as it appears than you better stop believing how your mind interprets your life because that interpretation is costing you your life. 

One way to overcome this error of interpretation is to make up 10 reasons why someone does what they do.  For instance.  2 years ago my ex forbade me to be in my son's truck.  My first response was fury, that SOB.  As I made up several reasons why he didn't want me to drive with my son I came up with:  'My ex doesn't want me to get hurt because of my son's inexperienced driving.'  This turned my fury into love and now I saw my ex as someone who cared about my safety. 

When I have a problem with someone's behavior I make up 10 reasons why they behave that way and I make sure that at least one reason is hilarious.  Because nothing is as it seems and their behavior isn't what it seems either.  They don't have to change their behavior to make me feel better.  Nothing has to change.  They can be who they are and I am not threatened by it. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Falling in Love

The face of the earth
The mind causes suffering because it makes one thing more important than another.  It sees differences where there aren't any.  There is no difference between a love letter and a bill.  At the level of atoms its all the same, little scribbles on a piece of paper which the mind assigns meaning to.

You prefer a love letter over a bill.  Preferences keep you stuck.  Fall in love with your bills.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Who am I today?

The person I was yesterday is dead.  Who am I today?  The more often you ask this question the more life you get to have.  I don't know who I am, I am always changing.  Change is all there is.

Every time I die I have more life. The more I die the more life I have, it's a trade off, I can't have one without the other. I hate my life as much as I love it. I have no control over anything, thank goodness.  The more I hate my life the more I love it in equal proportion.  That's the balance.  God, do I want to scream!!  WTF.  Who designed this system? Surely not I.

My cozy little life is disappearing.  I want this to stop.  But I can't stop evolution. The universe is in charge of that.  If I were in charge I would bail out because awareness isn't comfortable.  It is the biggest cruelty I have ever experienced.  It has me looking at my own shit and I always get to clean up my own mess.  I can't hide anywhere and I don't get to change anything.  It changes me. 

And than the dying part.  I don't like to feel death, but everything always dies before anything gets born.  This moment dies before the next moment is born, that's how often death shows up.  Death diarrhea, and I've got it.

Git'r done.


Monday, December 5, 2011

Guilty Presents

I want big balls for Christmas*
Christmas is the season of guilt.  Presents are given out of guilt and obligation. 

Guilt is another strong energy form of the Matrix.  The Matrix's survival is guaranteed by strong energy forms.  People don't want to transmute these energies by feeling them.  They don't want to feel uncomfortable and guilty, so they give in and do what they are supposed to.

Your cells remember how Christmas was when you were little and now you insist on recreating the same for your children.  If you were raised as a Christian decide that this year you won't celebrate Christmas.  If you were raised as a non-Christian decorate your home mammothly and shock your neighbors, this will get you out of your conditioning.

Presence changes the presents you give.

Any culture and its customs are stored in the cells of its people.  Cell memory keeps us from breaking away.  There is pressure to participate in cultural conditioning and you will go through withdrawal symptoms when you no longer go along.

Inside the Matrix love is shown by giving gifts.  It is neediness disguised as love because inside the Matrix you are only a thing, you don't exist and you have no power.  Inside the Matrix you are fucked up.

* If I would post that comment on the website where I found that picture the Matrix people would stone me.  The comment is irreverent.  When you leave the Matrix your life will be irreverent instead of predictable.

Cellular Hell

It's not what's in your mind that's making you miserable, it's what's in your cells that's holding you back.  The mind is only the interpreter of what's stored in the cells.  Freedom comes from releasing trauma and conditioning from the cells, otherwise you stay stuck and frozen. Releasing those things feels like death, but in reality it will give you life. 

Cellular memory keeps people from getting into their bodies.  As you throw off baggage you become lighter, your body becomes fluid, everything becomes possible.  You will have the capacity to be alive and present.

The universe blinks off and on zillion of times each moment.  If you can experience those little deaths you won't have to hold on to and store anything in your cells.

People don't want to feel those deaths, so they keep themselves busy. You can only go as high as you can go low.  If you don't want to go down you can't go up either, your world will be flat and predictable.  If you can experience the downside your upside will adjust accordingly.  

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.
I am having a great fall.  My social conditioning and mental structures are unraveling, falling like the walls of Jericho and I don't know how I am going to be put together again once I come out of this breakdown phase. 

I had no idea how much my mind is still wanting structure.  There are no triggers for the mind to grab on to.  The house is bare and there is nothing to do, but there is balance.  During the day I get to explore the area and at night I fall apart and go through withdrawal symptoms. 

The conditioning of the mind is like an addiction and as with all addictions you experience withdrawal symptoms in order to be free from it. 

Mental addiction is highly idolized by our society, but the patriarchal mind is on its way out.  People are going to go mad when that happens.  It's going to be quite a shocker.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Energetic cleanup of money issues

Setting the Goddess free

I am due 6 years of alimony payments. I have to let go of all that money.  After all, money is the biggest illusion there is.

There is so much charge around money and by feeling the massive energies I transmute the problem.  It always shows up at night where I can't scream at the people I am angry with.  I can't physically act on it and have no choice but to feel everything.  This clears the energetic hooks so that no one can hang anything on those hooks.  I will be hook-free. 

Problems are being solved without me having to do anything except transmute the energies. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It's a dog's life

Dogs get trained with a zapper to not leave the yard.  You are not leaving the yard either.  Staying in the yard gets boring once you know everything about the yard.

The mind doesn't want to leave the yard, it wants to go to the same places, pissing on the same things, marking its territory and defending it.

Nothing is working when you have an energetic mess.  You have to clean up your life energetically not mentally.  Everything works smoothly when there are no energetic blocks.

Cleaning up your life energetically means feeling every nook and cranny.  My definition of feelings and emotions is this.  An emotion is an energetic makeup of a block in your system, which zaps your energy.  A feeling is a free-flowing system without any blockages, which enlivens you.

Emotions drain you, feelings wake you up.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Your world belongs to your mind

Your mind brutally drags you to be slaughtered day by day.  What kind of power is this for the mind to have you in its grip, to keep you living in torment? 

When I go out with people and listen to their conversations, the hell that goes on in their minds.  They belief that the illusion of the matrix is real and that they have to take every precaution to keep them safe. 

The matrix is a nightmare from which you can snap out of.  You will not die, you will live!!  The matrix keeps you dead. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Civilized Schizophrenia

You can't just show up, you have to come with an arsenal of baggage, which makes you a blabbering mask always talking about what you should do, what you haven't done, what you are going to do.  Your mind is like a 2-year-old out of control in the driver's seat of your life because that is the extend of the competence of the mind.  Ditch your mind.  You don't need it to survive.

The house is bare, the cupboards are empty, the fridge isn't working, I love the simplicity.  I am stuck in the house without internet, no TV, far away from any store.

The mind needs a cupboard full of stuff.  The mind needs to be stuffed with stuff.  The body only needs what shows up, but the mind wants more.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Life is a roaring rapids

The rapids of  life
Tomorrow I am going to the mountains to live there.  I have no idea how this is going to unfold because there are so many details that it is mind boggling.  There is no furniture, I don't know where I am going to sleep, if there is even heat or if I need to go to the electric company and have it turned on.  I let it unfold all by itself because each moment is a portal to all I need. 

My life looks like a roaring rapids with energy swirling all around me.  I perceive so much more, now that I have learned to trust the universe.  At a deep level we know everything and now this deep level is becoming visible to me where I know how things are connected.  There are no random events. The energies of the future are always reaching me to prepare me for what is to come.  This moment prepares me for the next.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The 'What if' Game

The body doesn't need the mind to tell it what to do.  That is the arrogance of the mind, to think that it is needed to get anything done.  Life is much smoother without the mind's interference.  The body always knows what to do, the mind often overrides it. 

My mind has less and less input in my life.  I haven't seen nor talked to my son since October 31st.  We are moving to the mountains and he is supposed to arrange everything.  I can't call him to find out what is going on because he doesn't know what he is going to do until he does it.   

People want to control the outcome, so they plan every detail and than they have stories why it didn't happen the way they planned.  Their minds keep them from noticing that they are not in charge of anything.

When I use my mind I can't be here in this present moment absorbing all its beauty, ease and abundance.  Putting the mind in charge is like a shock to the otherwise smooth running system.

When the mind doesn't know what is going on it will play the 'What if' game.  "What if we don't move to the mountains, I am stuck here forever"  "What if he changed his mind."  "What if he doesn't want me to live with him."  I don't have to worry about any of these 'what if's' because my life is perfectly set up and there are never any emergencies to attend to.  Submitting to this moment is all the power I have over anything.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

The mind has no power

I am moving to the mountains in a week or two with my son.  The mind always has you do more steps than what is necessary.  I am preparing for the move by being still and being fully here.  I have no winter clothing and I am not dashing off to the store buying what I think I might need. 

My son is in Delaware at the world championship and when he comes back he will do what he will do.  I am not going to tell him what to do because his body doesn't respond to my mind.  His body doesn't even respond to his own mind.  The days where the mind is in charge are over.  The body always knows what to do and the mind has no clue.  The mind doesn't know what is next, it only thinks what might be next based on how it's always been. 

Our bodies will do the move while we are present in each moment.  The mental exhaustion of planning is exasperating. The mind cannot keep track of all the details.  My body takes me from moment to moment, like frames in a movie, I teleport from moment to moment without planning, because the universe does a perfect job putting all the details into place.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Hell No

I am moving in with a friend I stayed with before leaving for Germany.  My mind can't comprehend this, but I know that the universe works with achingly beautiful perfection.  

Like cures like.  What makes you insane also makes you sane.  I am being given precise injections of other people's insanity.  Inside the Matrix everything is insane yet appears sane.  To lose the mind one has to keep going back to the same situations to be driven out of the mind until there is nothing left.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My next creation

I no longer know what it's like to think the way the mental matrix requires.  I wonder what I am creating next.  All my experiences have brought me to this place.  I am here to reconnect with my son at the level of wholeness, to let him have his life the way he wants it and not to meddle with it.

I don't know what's next and my mind can't bring it about.  So, how is this next step going to happen?  I know I don't have to do anything, I never have to do anything.  I have butterflies to see my next creation showing up.  

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A Reckless Life

Grand Canyon, Nevada

The universe will not support us inside the Mental Matrix.  People struggle, I see them struggling because they don't wait for what shows up naturally.   People want a mind-based future so that they can be in control of what they are getting.  It doesn't work that way anymore.

'Being in the moment' is an overused mental concept.  'Being' has no mind.

Things change in an instant, but until they change and nothing seems to be happening doubts and fears show up to be released.  Until the change comes is the time where the mind dumps its conditioning and is the most miserable.

The landlady is trying to get me to apply for a job where she works.  My life scares people, it's scaring me too, I live reckless, never knowing what is next, never preparing for anything.  I spend all day sitting on benches and playing sudoku, it keeps my mind occupied while I wait for the universe to do her work.  Jesus had no place to lay his head and I am getting there.  I have a place to sleep, but I leave in the morning, returning in the evening.  I can't spend much time around illusionists.

I draw on direct personal experience.  Conceptual knowing is disappearing.  Stillness of pure consciousness is my nature.  The mind always wants to analyze but the mind can't get it.  It knows nothing.  My existence depends on stillness and not on the Mental Matrix.

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Mental Matrix

Red Pill, Blue Pill

Tyler Perry's 'Visionaries: The Creative Mind' is just another lie of the Matrix.  He succeeded because of his mind, that's the story he tags on to his success. You cannot not do what you are doing.  His mind has nothing to do with his success.  Use your mind and you will get anything you desire.  I once believed that myself.

Stillness is the creative power.  Stillness seems irresponsible, leaving things up to fate.  The mind will heavily argue that you need your mind to solve problems and to succeed, and it will win that argument.  Inside the Matrix the mind is God. 

I was informed by the landlady that I have to be gone by the end of the month.  Now I'll just wait for the portal to open that gets me to the next place.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The chaotic mind

I am staying with my 18 year old son who moved into a house last month, rent free until January.  His girlfriend is telling me that they are engaged.  I am about to roll over on the floor with laughter.  I let her have her illusion, I don't interfere nor intrude. They will never get married because the universe won't allow it.

So his girlfriend and landlady are going through the house making plans on what needs to be fixed:  all windows replaced, all new floors, new paint, and much more.  

Presently my son is working 7 days a week leaving at 5 AM, returning at 7 PM.  That way those 2 bean bags can't impose on his life because people who live in an illusionary world only create chaos and use other people.  I am staying out of their sight as well, allowing the universe to work its magic.

What people say and what people do is incongruent.  The body is always in the present moment but the conditioned mind can't handle stillness, so it fabricates a future.

The pyramids built themselves because no one ever works, it's an illusion.  Things move by themselves when they are supposed to.  The mind doesn't create anything.

I don't listen to what people say because they make up stories by which they identify themselves with and which they take seriously.  They don't know the difference between reality and illusion.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Back to where I left

I had to spend the night at the airport in Munich.  Because of the Octoberfest and conventions in town, there were no vacancies nearby.  When I arrived in Charlotte I hadn't slept in 3 days.

Before I left for Germany I felt that I would be living with my son when I return to the US.  I thought that it was wishful thinking because he is only 18 years with no steady income and was living with his dad, so I disregarded that possibility.  Just one month ago he rented a house, no lease and no rent until January.

So, here I am again, at the same spot where I left.  I am livid.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Relative Survivor

I have survived my relatives, just a few more days and I will be gone from here.  They tried to pull me into their world of illusion with their expectations of me, but my body wouldn't let them because I always do what I do and I never do what I don't do.

I was riding my bike, 850 miles, about 1400 km, in 2 months and looked for mushrooms.  I needed time in nature to balance my time with my dad.  He lives in the world of spies, people wanting to rob him, mug him, destroy him.  He would be a great fiction and soap opera writer.  I listened to his stories for 3 months; what makes you insane also makes you sane.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The wisdom of the breath.

Ellmau, Austria, where I stayed a few days

I will arrive in Charlotte, NC, on October 5, not knowing where I am going to live, not preparing for anything.   When I use my mind to prepare for anything I create illusion.  The mind wants its food because it always wants to know what's next, we were trained that way and give the mind so much importance.  We don't need the mind. The mind knows nothing, it can't comprehend the enormity of the universe. It's linear function is over.

Breathing keeps me fully anchored in the present moment.  Breathing prepares me for everything.  I am not in my mind, I am in my breath.

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Waldnaabtal, one of my hangouts

The psychologist Milton Erickson would ask his patients "What would happen if your life could change over night?"  and then he would leave the room so that their minds could find every possible solution.  The patients would stay in the room for hours, even days until their mind was done with the process.

My mind is trying to find solutions where I am going to live once I am back in the US.  All of my energy is involved in this process.  My mind is trying to find new pathways.  Physically I am still in Germany, but energetically I am already back in the US.  I have changed so much and I cannot go back to the way things were.  My mind wants to go back to the same way as when I left, but that is not possible.  You cannot step into the same river twice.  Now my mind has to release the past.  I can't go back to anything familiar.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Manipulators and Intruders

I grew up next to this castle 'Reuth'

Your mind wants you to go out to avoid yourself.  Your soul wants you to go in to be your Self.

People who 'do' end up with messes.  People want to fix their lives using their minds.  The pressure to escape stillness drives them to action.  They don't wait for what shows up naturally and force things into their lives and they expect others to support their illusions, and that's where it gets nasty.  

"I needed help and you didn't help me."  What the person is saying is that you are obligated to help them keep their illusions alive.  When I need help I don't have to ask for it because people know what to do.  During my stay here I never had to ask anyone for anything and all my needs were taken care off.  I didn't need to call anyone nor arrange anything.

People who live in the world of illusion project their shit onto everyone around them.  They do not take responsibility for themselves but blame others.

Expecting something from another is abuse.  We are whole, we are not broken.  When the moment carries you, that is reality.  When you carry the moment, that is illusion.  Nothing needs to be carried.  Stillness provides everything.

I am going back to the US in 2 weeks.  I don't know yet where I am going to stay, but that will be taken care off when the time comes.  Right now I am still fully here. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Diamonds are formed under high pressure over billions of years

I am under a lot of pressure living in the illusionary world of my dad.

Suddenly last evening my niece informed me that my dad wants me to go back to the United States.  I don't have a place to live.  We'll see what the universe has arranged.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Leaving yourself

We were forced to leave ourselves at an early age.  We were not allowed to put things together ourselves, things were put in place for us by society, by our parents.

People want me to carry them by using many words, by being loud and animated.

I am Stillness.  I don't have to leave myself in order to make someone else comfortable.

I thought we had a great day, my dad and I.  We went shopping and ended up at a pub for fresh zoigl (homebrewed beer).  Some of his friends were there, we had a fabulous time, but for him being around me is difficult because my stillness brings out his shit and he can't deal with it, so he blames me for it.  He keeps attacking me relentlessly and projects himself onto me.  He tells me that I am extremely nervous and he doesn't know what to say to me, and on and on.

I don't know how much longer I have to stay there.  Last week he had a dream that I am leaving him.  I hope it's soon.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Driven by the mind

When you lose your job your programming will have you look for another job because that's all your mind knows.  The mind will always reach for the same experiences.

I am being shown alternate realities so that deep-seated emotions can show up.  I am experiencing that I will live in Germany and never again return to the states.  Those thoughts horrify me and I have to allow them until all emotions have been released because the mind's programming can never be in charge again, only my True Self can ever be in charge.

I should be comfortable with wherever my body is and whatever my body is doing.  But I am chok-full of emotions and my mind is like a run-away train and I keep being thrown under the train.  I have to release all of my conditioning, all my emotions.  

Nothing can be based on neediness.  I had to leave my children behind in the USA.  It seems like a very cruel joke but it is the road to freedom for all of us.  When I see my children again we will relate to each other on a completely new level.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Labor of Love?

This isn't necessary

The moment won't move, so you move your mind because you hate the stillness; like a boulder up a steep hill, you push and push and you wonder why you are exhausted.  You blame your exhaustion on your life circumstances, on your age, on all the things that need to get done.  Everything is done.  Everything is whole but your mental illness won't let you see it.  

You keep taking things apart so you can fix them.  Everything is whole, everything is done.  Don't let your mind pull you into the world of illusion.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

No beautiful mind

A beautiful mind - the movie

A beautiful mind is a still mind. 

The mind doesn't want this. The mind doesn't want your life.  The mind wants illusion.  The mind wants the known.  The mind has an emergency exit called illusion.  The mind can't cope with reality.  It is forever looking for something it can recognize. 

Reality is unrecognizable to the mind.  We need to lose our minds completely. 

Action happens without the mind's involvement, but people don't notice this.  They belief that without thought nothing happens.  Thought is far removed from who we really are. In the world of illusion it appears as if the mind is the cause for anything to function.  The mind has no function, it keeps you from reality.

My dad sits in his wheel chair all day long and fabricates illusions and wants his children to participate in them.  We of course can't because our bodies won't allow it because reality will not support needy relationships.  He is dissatisfied with his life and blames everyone else for it.  Bitterness arises when you don't know the difference between illusion and reality.  

The body is always in the present moment while the mind rips everything to pieces.  My relatives want me to visit them.  They put the burden on me to come and see them.  My body is not bringing me to them. They don't see that they are the ones who have to change, not me.  My life does not belong to my mind nor theirs.  My life belongs to my body, the universe made flesh.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Dogs in Heat

No need to carry anything

People hate reality.  They are always escaping reality because they don't want to clean up their own fucking shit, because reality will show you what you need to do to become whole, but instead you run from reality so that you can blame everybody else for your asinine existence.  Looking at your own dysfunction isn't pretty.  It's easier to make others responsible for the mess in your life.

I have been living with my dad at his retirement home for the past 3 weeks.  He can't handle my stillness.  He expects me to act like a dog in heat, talking all the time, moving my body unnecessarily in excitement.  It is bringing out his dysfunction, blaming me for it.  He has been attacking me relentlessly.

People get upset every few seconds and whatever is in their awareness at that moment gets blamed for it. 

There is only one upset, the loss of the present. 

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Nature is our teacher

Why do birds fly effortlessly through the air without crashing into anything?  Because they follow their bodies.  They don't stop in mid air asking: "What should I do? How should I do this? What do I need?"  They trust their innate navigational system.  Humans also have this system, but they use their minds to override it.  

The mind is manual, slow, tedious, with nothing but errors.  It's defect.  The innate system is automatic, quick, effortless and you get to enjoy the ride.

People labor when they think.  They are always figuring out how they are going to do something and when they are going to do it, they have 'To Do' lists and shopping lists.  In their mind they have to reach a destination and everything in between goes unnoticed.

Our minds cripple us and hold us back.  We are so much more. 

Friday, July 29, 2011

Pure consciousness

I am always shown several possibilities so that I don't know what's going to happen.  It keeps me in the present moment.  I have to be able to live without hanging on to anything.  I have to be able to not seek the familiar but be here as pure consciousness without expectations, without familiarity.  I have to bring the unknown into each moment.  Opposites also show up so that I know what is in my heart.

It happens to me all the time where I get dragged through the mud, where I have to give up everything, where only this moment exists. 

My daughter went back to the US.  I have to stay here until I get the ok to go back to the US also. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The First Monkey

Being the 100th monkey is easy, but who is the first monkey?

People go through the same motions day after day never noticing anything, talking about how they could have done things differently or how they are going to change things.  You cannot do anything differently, it's not possible.  Thinking that you have any control over anything  just shows how ignorant and insane you are.

Most people don't want to be where they are.  We cannot change our physical location no matter how hard our minds try to escape from it.  The mind comes up with ideas how to change the physical reality.  I cannot not do what I am doing.  The only choice I have is accepting what is.  The only choice I have is stillness, anything else is insanity and futility.

The mind can only change through direct experience.  You can talk until you are blue in the face, words will not change anybody.  

I am in my body,  I don't use my mind to beat the shit out of myself by planning what I am going to do or by deciding what I want.   I observe my body and allow my body to make all decisions.  If I don't know where I want to go I watch my body where it is taking me, that takes all the guesswork out of my life.  I follow my body, my mind has no input.  My body is always in the present moment, that's how I know what is going on and what needs to be done.  The mind always overrides it and wants to change things.  I don't listen to my mind.  The mind is the most unreliable source there is.  

People never notice anything because they are so stuck in their minds.  People are stuck in their illusions as if it's a matter of life and death.  They are in their minds so that they don't have to notice anything.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Return to Your Soul - Rumi


When I get lost in the world of illusion and lose sight of who I am I need this reminder


So come, return to the root of the root of your own soul.

"For ages you have come and gone
courting this delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You descended from Adam, by the pure Word of God,
but you turned your sight
to the empty show of this world.
Alas, how can you be satisfied with so little?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come -
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You were born from the rays of God's Majesty
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you deceive Us with this outer show?
O friend, We can see the truth in your eyes!
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

After one moment with that glorious Friend
you became loving, radiant, and ecstatic.
Your eyes were sweet and full of fire.
Come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Shams-e Tabriz, the King of the Tavern
has handed you an eternal cup,
And God in all His glory is pouring the wine.
So come! Drink!
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Soul of all souls, life of all life - you are That.
Seen and unseen, moving and unmoving - you are That.
The road that leads to the City is endless;
Go without head and feet
and you'll already be there.
What else could you be? - you are That."

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I am in Germany


My daughter (20) bought me a ticket to Munich, Germany from Charlotte, North Carolina.  She had a stand-by ticket for herself and managed to get on the same flight.

People are caught up in their dramas, their pain bodies dictate their lives and there is nothing I can do to snap them out of it.  Pain is all they know.  

Everyone of my relatives is at each others throat blaming the other for their misery.  My dad goes back eons of what happened back than and he won't let go.  I can't talk to him about anything without him getting upset, so I am quiet, even that upsets him.  

The tape in his head is repeating the same old ugly stories about the disappointment in his sons and life in general.  He can't be pleased because his mental body runs his life and the mind is the greatest hell hole there ever was.  The illusion it fabricates is inhumane.  The mind won't allow love, gentleness, beauty because it doesn't see it.

The universe will rescue me from this cruelty.  At this point I am kind of fed up with all the drama wherever I go.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The power of stillness

The mind has one story only and that is hardship.  Reality is gentle.  The hardest part is letting go of illusion.  The time in between when illusion leaves and reality shows up, the mind has a hay day with the time in between.  If it were easy we all would have left illusion already.

There is a reason why 99.99% is stillness and only .01% is action.  Because the .01% action is all you can handle, it is that explosive and powerful.  Stillness increases our capacity to be powerful.

We are not used to not doing.  Doing is all we know.  Its been drilled into us.  Most the time nothing is happening and you are looking at the daisies because our nervous system goes through powerful preparations. 

When you are in your body you are automatically connected to the present. You have no agenda and the next moment isn't even on your mind.

Friday, July 1, 2011


Whenever something wants to come into my life I have to also energetically experience the opposite.  Its not about letting go but about giving everything up completely and than watching what shows up naturally.  

You cannot have one without the other.  People avoid the downside but you cannot have the upside without going down, down, down into the pits of hell.  Following the universe is a maddening walk through hell because you are not getting to keep any illusions.  All of that has to leave our existence. 

I spent the last few days experiencing the downside.  With experiencing I don't mean going through it physically but feeling the vibrations of the downside.  It feels as if its real.  I had to experience the vibrations of loneliness, homelessness, being destitute, not belonging anywhere, being poor; giving up my children as if I will never see them again, the same way Abraham was to sacrifice his son, every illusion that connects us has to leave, I belief its an ongoing thing with my children.  There can't be any emotional attachment with them nor neediness.  

I had to go that low because the residues of those vibrations in my cellular structure are there and to transmute them I had to feel them.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

No evidence

In the present moment there is no evidence of what is going to happen because 99.99% is stillness.  The cat sitting at the mouse hole waits patiently.  The cat doesn't ask the mouse: "When are you going to come out?"  Humans keep asking when is this or that going to happen?  You will never know until it shows up.

If you knew whats going to happen you would toss the universe aside and prepare for it, you would leave the present moment.  I am usually shown several possibilities that are opposite each other.  This puts me into the present moment and prepares me energetically for all possibilities so that I am ok with whatever shows up.

We are taught that we are always supposed to know what is going on, but we don't, so we make up stories.  Politicians make up stories about how they are going to safe everything.  Wouldn't it be nice if they could admit that they don't know.  I am tired of explaining my life to people.  Any explanation is a million times removed from who I really am.  I am not a mental concept.

I used to have silent days where I would not speak.  I know a man who always spends his first dates in silence.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Rescue me

Daniel in the Lions Den

The mind has never been in charge.  People have abandoned their intuition and given in to the pressures of their mind to act when their gut will tell them to wait.  They have given in to their fears.  This entire society is a product of fear.  Life isn't hard, illusion is.  When it requires maintenance its illusion.  Every day your mind is giving you an ass whooping and you accept it.

I have been staying with a friend for a week.  My plan was to fly to Germany last Monday but than the universe told me to wait and I have not been given the go-ahead yet.  People want answers because that's how their minds work, but I don't have any answers, I don't know the outcome of this.  My friend has been pressuring me, she wants to know where she stands.  This is too harsh an environment for me so the universe removed her for 4 weeks to take care of her mother in Texas.  Her two daughters (20 & 24) and husband are here.  The daughters sleep until afternoon and the husband stays in his office most the time, he works from home.  They too want to know so I stay out of sight.

I feel so horribly punished right now but how else are people going to see what their mind is doing to them.  I am here so that they all can witness to trust the universe and not their mind.  I hope this is over soon.  At times I am going out of my mind because my mind cannot grasp how I am going to be rescued, but rescued I will.

I have $1.77, 150 Euros, no car, no phone.  None of these limit my possibilities.  I rely on the universe.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The mind delivers manure


When your mind is in charge of your life you will have shitloads of manure delivered to your doorstep.  You will try to solve problems that exist in the imagination of your mind only.  This is not the imagination Einstein is talking about:  

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

Each moment is veiled in the unknown.  The mind has a big problem with not knowing and fills it with its illusionary vision of what it knows, namely problems.  Nothing is possible to the mind. People plan their lives so that they can escape the unknown.  The mind always has to know where it stands.  Leaving things up to 'fate' is too horrifying.  

Relaxing into each moment, allowing it to unfold and embracing it, from day one we have been taught that it will spell disaster, that you will be destitute, end up as a pauper.  To the contrary.  You will have everything you desire, love you can't even imagine, wisdom, abundance, beauty, the world at your feet and than some.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Go Play

Kurt Wenner Chalk Art

In the present moment I always have what I need.  I don't have to go elsewhere to provide for myself.  I don't need to escape into my mind to prepare for the future.  People don't know that they can trust their existence to the present moment.  When you are not present you lack everything.

People think their existence depends on their mind.  The more mental they are the more power they perceive they have.  Same with money, the more money the more powerful. All of these are illusions.

When you need money it will show up because the present moment makes all things possible.  In the present moment there is a door to all the treasures of the universe, like a hidden vault. The vault is always open, you just have to know how to access it.  Your mind doesn't know the combination.  Pay attention to your body and it will show you how to BE there. It's child's play.