Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Fibonacci Sequence

This number sequence was developed by Fibonacci, an Italian mathematician in 1202 when he observed how rabbits reproduced. However, it was not explained until 1993.

The sequence is 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233.... each number equals the sum of the previous two numbers.

It is the key to unlocking the mysteries of God.  The ratio of these numbers is 1.618 or PHI, the divine proportion that makes things appealing to the eye.  

The visual balance of phi is used in many Greek architecture, the pyramids, in nature, the human body.  It is the natural dynamics of growth.  Everything is formed with this exact blueprint from the tiny flower to the galaxy.

A plant grows one leaf, then looks at the previous leaf and adds them together (0+1=1); then it looks at where it is now (1 leaf) and adds the previous leaf, the familiar, (1+1=2 leaves); and so on. The plant grows its leaves in this sequence: 1 leaf, 1 leaf, 2 leaves, 3 leaves, 5 leaves and so on.

I also notice this number sequence in my own life.  I get exposed to a new situation and when I am removed from it my nervous system has the freedom to adjust.  The universe gives me something familiar and adds the unfamiliar until it becomes familiar. This has been happening in quick succession which has caused exponential growth where I am constantly in unfamiliar territory with just enough time to adjust.  

You learn to ride a bike when you are not riding it after you have been exposed to it. When there is no chance of falling your nervous system makes the necessary adjustments to the motions. When you get on the bike again your body won't be impaired by the nervous system's inabilities because the nervous system will have been upgraded.  The body always knows what to do, it's the nervous system that holds it back.

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Internal problem

Everything around you is an expression of YOU.  The outside world is the mirror of the inside world.  When people haven't dealt with their own darkness they judge others because they aren't aware that they either are or will become that which they judge.  The external world isn't an external problem, its an internal problem.

I have to accept my exterior world with neutrality.  Any time I react or resist it will persist.  This is very hard for the mind to grasp and I don't talk about it because people expect me to do something about it other than accepting it.  By not fighting it I feel the energies and that's how I do something about it, by transmuting the energies, because everything is energy.  Like cures like.

When people have dealt with their own darkness they can step out of the fear-based society.  Until then everything they do will be governed by fear.

I can no longer afford nor am I allowed to live the lies of the matrix. My mind changed and with that my life changed.  I have no more references.  I can't say I am going to do such and such based on what I have always done.  I am in the present and that's all I know. I would like to stay in my comfort zone but that is no longer possible.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


The mind doesn't have the capacity to understand the ways of the universe.  Expanding energetically, that's the preparation for a life outside illusion.

The universe is waiting for you to run out of your resources so that the universe can take over and show you a different way.  As long as your own resources are intact you will reach for the same things. People plan their lives based on their illusions.

The past few days I had to let go of more things which brought out anger and many other emotions.  I was thinking about the caterpillar inside the cocoon, the messy transformation where nothing of it's former self is left and emerges as the beautiful butterfly. 

The caterpillar submits to the process knowing that everything is in perfect order. Nature shows us how to evolve.  I too have to submit to this horrific process.  I am becoming unrecognizable to myself over and over again.  It's a gradual but potent process.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


The equinox brought drastic and sudden change in energy.  This is going deep.  Everything is being turned upside down and inside out. The rug is being pulled out from under me.  Didn't see this coming.


In the world of illusion nothing is true.  It can't be because there is no truth in illusion.

Everything people talk about is illusion.  It's all made up.  Yet people defend it as if it's life and death.  They put meaning to their illusions.

Everything in life is tailored to each individual because each person creates their own illusions.  It's not one size fits all.  What's true for one isn't true for another.  What's true one moment isn't true another moment.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Going Deeper

I don't feel comfortable in my skin.  Every day I die more.  I am being gutted like an old building leveled to the ground.  

I know that I am safe and that I can let go.

Today I felt the death of the Universe.  Everything shut down. 

I live in solitude and have no idea how I am going to emerge.  I have to surrender everything and I don't know what everything is.

I thought I was done, could finally move on, but that is not the case.

The universe throws me a carrot here and there to keep me going. After all, my mind still needs its occasional food because reality to the mind is unbearable.  So the universe tricks my mind by showing me a mirage so that I can escape by making me belief that something is going to happen, but than it doesn't.  By then I am strong enough to accept it and I realize I no longer want what I was shown.  It was only a bridge to get me to this point.

A former roommate came to visit.  If he wants to move back in I am going to scream.  Whatever shows up is perfect.  I am at the mercy of the universe, not at the mercy of people.

That's why people fight, they want to stay in control.  There is only one upset, the loss of the present.

I have been prepared for the descent into deeper parts of me.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


"You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you." - Joseph Campbell 

Life is not a conditioned predictable experience filled with expectations based on the roles we are supposed to play.

I need more than being dead inside a box of false securities.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.  All believes have to die.  Soul will not co-exist with the mind.  

I have been feeling empty.  Not the emptiness that comes from having no more to give, but the emptiness of the universe.

Living at the micro level where everything is provided when it's needed.

The macro level is when you look at an elephant and you know it's an elephant. 

The micro level is when you look at a part of an elephant and you don't know what it is.

Emptiness, stillness, non-movement, No-mind, nothingness.

The mind is addicted.  We are becoming sober.  I am to go deeper inside which I didn't want to do, but I worked through it and now I am ready.

What reality is doing to me is so not comfortable to my mind.

People are always planning because they can't handle the inner terrain.  I am not at their mercy even so they try to make decisions for me based on their fears.

I don't know where I stand, don't know what's next.  The only thing I know for sure is that reality is always kinder than illusion and that I don't have to fear for my life.

I am stillness.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Living with Nothing

How can I write about nothing?

Nothing said to us, nothing we can learn from others, reaches us so deep as that which we find in ourselves.  ~Theodor Reik

If you listen to fear it gives you access to the most horrible movies in your head.

All conditioning has to leave until there is nothing left.

This moment holds nothing.  This moment is neutral.

If there is content, that's a memory from the past or a projection into the future.

Your parents and society told you that if you don't have goals you'll end up destitute.  I am a disappointment to my dad and ex-in-laws.  They want me to have a prestigious job, earn money, be somebody.  I have nothing, yet, I have never been so wealthy.

When the universe has chiseled everything away and all fear is gone there is freedom.

The logistics of the universe have proven to be perfect, beyond my wildest expectations.  I don't have to fend for myself.  I am always taken care of.

The past is a memory and the future is unpredictable.   Only this moment exists and people run from it, fill it with stories and illusions.

Be empty like the universe.

I have been watching ‘The Dog Whisperer.’  The energies of the human get transferred to the dogs and the dogs act out these energies.  When there is fear in the human the dogs feed on that fear.  Cesar Milan told one owner to get a different dog because all the problems in the dog were caused by the owner’s energy.

I have become aware of my own fearful energy.  By observing it I transmute it.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Nothing is as it seems

Roussoli - Veiling of the Soul

Nothing is as it appears to be.  Everything I think is wrong.  Everything is a figment of my imagination. 

From my senses to my memory, my opinions and beliefs, how I see myself and others and even my sense of free will, nothing is as it seems. 

The power these delusions hold over me is staggering. The rabbit hole is a shock to my existence.  The rabbit hole is meant to be an adventure into the unknown but so far it has been nothing but cruelty because of my fear of the unknown... will I die if I don’t participate in the matrix? 

Everything I have experienced was clouded in the mirage of my conditioning.  This cloud is lifting.  Breathe deeper; it anchors me in the present; it keeps me from thinking; it keeps me from doing; it aligns me with reality.  Thinking is distortion.  Thinking has me go down the bunny trail instead of the rabbit hole.

Every time I have an opinion I limit myself.  Every time I have a thought I limit myself. 

Everything is a limitation.

Everything is made up.

This little life of mine, I made it up and I will do anything to not upset it.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

What is your body telling you?

The body always knows before we do because we don't allow ourselves to know.  The mind sets an end to knowing because it can't grasp anything outside it's logical domain.  Your body is telling you something and your mind overrides it.  

I need change.  I realized that when I need change, change is already here, but it hasn't shown up in the physical yet.  Before it shows up in the physical it shows up in the energetic structure of my life.

My body is telling me we are moving away from here.  My mind is saying:  'But you just moved here; this is the perfect place, the price is right, the location can't be any better.'  Yet, my body is telling me we are moving.  To the mind this doesn't make sense.

And now my body is preparing me for this change.  I feel sick.  The difference between my body and my mind is making me sick. I have no idea where we are going, how this is going to work out.  I allow everything that shows up prepare me for it.  I sit with it.  I do nothing until the time comes for action.

I am told to let go of trying to figure this out, instead, I am to feel everything; make this a body event instead of a mental event; let my body process what I feel; let my body process what my mind can't; letting it go deep into my body.

PS:  2 months later we moved due to my son's accident.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


The universe rearranged itself.  Everything died.  My body is releasing my personality.   I am experiencing emotional discomfort.  My mind hasn't adjusted yet, it wants to go back to the known to make sense of this.

I allow the circumstances of my life to be as they are.  I didn't expect an infant showing up.  There is no tension in his little body, he is so trusting.  My body is going back to that state.  My body is asking me to surrender.

This story like any other story has to play itself out and no one can tell us how or where it's going to end.  This is unnerving to the mind.  Why this situation and not another situation came into our lives.  Relationships transform us when we are aware.  Awareness is alchemy.

Our minds have social set points, expectations set by society.  The mind is conditioned to shut everything out and only let that which is familiar in.  Everything has to be able to reach you.  You can't prefer one thing over another.

"Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation."  ~Charlotte Brontë

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Creating New Pathways in the Mind

The mind retreats into its usual responses.  It doesn't know where else to go because of our conditioning.  At the age of 2, when consciousness hit, we were shut down and did not develop our biological instincts.  We were told what to do, how to do it and when.  A very narrow linear road developed.

We exist on all levels.  Energy goes in all directions yet we are capable of only perceiving it in a linear fashion.  Living at the speed of the subconscious where there is No-Mind will put you in touch with the vast world of your existence.  What's in your subconscious is running your life.  Becoming aware of it will change everything.  

When the subconscious is cleaned of all it's conditioning then there won't be a programmed response to anything.

The mind always wants to go faster.  Life is happening when there is nothing moving, at your core, that's where you exist.  Anything else is illusion.

When my mind wants me to move faster I have to slow down to be in step with my breathing, relaxing into my body, never getting ahead of my breathing.  When I am standing still I become aware of everything, I have to deal with what I don't want to look at.