Friday, September 30, 2011

Relative Survivor

I have survived my relatives, just a few more days and I will be gone from here.  They tried to pull me into their world of illusion with their expectations of me, but my body wouldn't let them because I always do what I do and I never do what I don't do.

I was riding my bike, 850 miles, about 1400 km, in 2 months and looked for mushrooms.  I needed time in nature to balance my time with my dad.  He lives in the world of spies, people wanting to rob him, mug him, destroy him.  He would be a great fiction and soap opera writer.  I listened to his stories for 3 months; what makes you insane also makes you sane.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The wisdom of the breath.

Ellmau, Austria, where I stayed a few days

I will arrive in Charlotte, NC, on October 5, not knowing where I am going to live, not preparing for anything.   When I use my mind to prepare for anything I create illusion.  The mind wants its food because it always wants to know what's next, we were trained that way and give the mind so much importance.  We don't need the mind. The mind knows nothing, it can't comprehend the enormity of the universe. It's linear function is over.

Breathing keeps me fully anchored in the present moment.  Breathing prepares me for everything.  I am not in my mind, I am in my breath.

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Waldnaabtal, one of my hangouts

The psychologist Milton Erickson would ask his patients "What would happen if your life could change over night?"  and then he would leave the room so that their minds could find every possible solution.  The patients would stay in the room for hours, even days until their mind was done with the process.

My mind is trying to find solutions where I am going to live once I am back in the US.  All of my energy is involved in this process.  My mind is trying to find new pathways.  Physically I am still in Germany, but energetically I am already back in the US.  I have changed so much and I cannot go back to the way things were.  My mind wants to go back to the same way as when I left, but that is not possible.  You cannot step into the same river twice.  Now my mind has to release the past.  I can't go back to anything familiar.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Manipulators and Intruders

I grew up next to this castle 'Reuth'

Your mind wants you to go out to avoid yourself.  Your soul wants you to go in to be your Self.

People who 'do' end up with messes.  People want to fix their lives using their minds.  The pressure to escape stillness drives them to action.  They don't wait for what shows up naturally and force things into their lives and they expect others to support their illusions, and that's where it gets nasty.  

"I needed help and you didn't help me."  What the person is saying is that you are obligated to help them keep their illusions alive.  When I need help I don't have to ask for it because people know what to do.  During my stay here I never had to ask anyone for anything and all my needs were taken care off.  I didn't need to call anyone nor arrange anything.

People who live in the world of illusion project their shit onto everyone around them.  They do not take responsibility for themselves but blame others.

Expecting something from another is abuse.  We are whole, we are not broken.  When the moment carries you, that is reality.  When you carry the moment, that is illusion.  Nothing needs to be carried.  Stillness provides everything.

I am going back to the US in 2 weeks.  I don't know yet where I am going to stay, but that will be taken care off when the time comes.  Right now I am still fully here. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Diamonds are formed under high pressure over billions of years

I am under a lot of pressure living in the illusionary world of my dad.

Suddenly last evening my niece informed me that my dad wants me to go back to the United States.  I don't have a place to live.  We'll see what the universe has arranged.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Leaving yourself

We were forced to leave ourselves at an early age.  We were not allowed to put things together ourselves, things were put in place for us by society, by our parents.

People want me to carry them by using many words, by being loud and animated.

I am Stillness.  I don't have to leave myself in order to make someone else comfortable.

I thought we had a great day, my dad and I.  We went shopping and ended up at a pub for fresh zoigl (homebrewed beer).  Some of his friends were there, we had a fabulous time, but for him being around me is difficult because my stillness brings out his shit and he can't deal with it, so he blames me for it.  He keeps attacking me relentlessly and projects himself onto me.  He tells me that I am extremely nervous and he doesn't know what to say to me, and on and on.

I don't know how much longer I have to stay there.  Last week he had a dream that I am leaving him.  I hope it's soon.