This winter I spent 6 months slowing way, way down while my mind protested with so many questions and fears showing up. That's not the way it's done in society. The mind wants to speed up but I learned to do the opposite. There is so much space in my life where things can happen. I don't need to control anything anymore.
I noticed that I was always upset and my life was filled with distractions, my patterns and habits dictated my day.
There is only one upset, the loss of the present. Slowing down and breathing brings me back to the present.
I stopped controlling my attention and allowed it to go wherever it wanted. Little did I know that this was the preparation for a trip to Germany, France, Switzerland, Liechtenstein and Austria with my son, my daughter and her friend. Next week I am going on a cross-country trip.
Knowing my own upsets helps me to not pin it on the outside world. My ego doesn't come out to play when I am accused of so much. People see me through their filters and project their shit onto me. None of it is mine, but they make it mine. Objecting would turn it into quarrels. I can't reason with them. I don't have to defend myself. The universe takes care of that with inarguable punches. I only have to feel what it brings out in me. Their response is where they are in their journey and my response shows me where I am in my journey. I am done pleasing people.
I let go of what my mind wants. Life is born out of nothingness and not from the mind. The mind only knows the familiar. I don't know anything about this moment at all. There is nothing to understand. I live in the emptiness which isn't really empty, it is filled to the brim, bursting out of it's seams.
Only the mind is moving. I am not moving as much as I used to because I no longer have to attend to everything. Some people need a lot of movement and they expect me to do the same. When my movements are less than theirs then I am labeled lazy. When my movements don't match their expectations then I am labeled crazy.
My life is like a well-oiled machine. I used to fire too soon because I thought I had to take care of the logistics of my life. That runs on it's on. Any doing will only interfere in the perfection. Unaligned actions are like a nail gun, bringing my flow to a screeching halt. I wait for what shows up naturally.
Going really, really slow is something the mind can't grasp. Relaxing and slowing down, it's so simple I almost missed it. So much is happening in my life now because I don't get overwhelmed. There is nothing I need to take care of. The only thing I have to do is relax and breathe.
I am light. I don't carry anything. I am around people. I don't take on their stuff. I don't try to help them. It's no longer my reality.
This is the beginning of a new life.