Monday, December 12, 2011

Who am I today?

The person I was yesterday is dead.  Who am I today?  The more often you ask this question the more life you get to have.  I don't know who I am, I am always changing.  Change is all there is.

Every time I die I have more life. The more I die the more life I have, it's a trade off, I can't have one without the other. I hate my life as much as I love it. I have no control over anything, thank goodness.  The more I hate my life the more I love it in equal proportion.  That's the balance.  God, do I want to scream!!  WTF.  Who designed this system? Surely not I.

My cozy little life is disappearing.  I want this to stop.  But I can't stop evolution. The universe is in charge of that.  If I were in charge I would bail out because awareness isn't comfortable.  It is the biggest cruelty I have ever experienced.  It has me looking at my own shit and I always get to clean up my own mess.  I can't hide anywhere and I don't get to change anything.  It changes me. 

And than the dying part.  I don't like to feel death, but everything always dies before anything gets born.  This moment dies before the next moment is born, that's how often death shows up.  Death diarrhea, and I've got it.

Git'r done.


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