Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Live Totally

How the mind works

Each one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision, or a problem that needs to be solved.

The mind wants so much and because society is unconscious it will give the mind what it wants, chasing after illusions.  Society doesn't want you to relax.  It wants you to be somebody.

You can't still the mind.  When you think you have to do something to still the mind you will create the reverse effect.  Only by witnessing the busy mind can it stop.

Sitting in meditation divides you within yourself.  You are one person when you meditate and another when you go about your business.  

Being conscious while doing daily activities, that is meditation.  The mind cannot survive awareness.  Awareness stills the mind.

My mind would like to chase me through the day, but I won't let it, I wait for what shows up naturally.  My mind condemns me, tries to instill guilt and shame.  Those are the times when I feel the energy of those accusations and transmute them by feeling them without acting on them.  That is how I shut the mind up.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Being a nobody

Everything is an illusion when seen through the mind.  The mind doesn’t know who I am.

I am a nobody.  There are no obstacles to being nobody.   A nobody can’t get tripped up.  A nobody lives in peace.  The undisturbed silence with no ego, no personality.   

To live in a relaxed body.  The moment I tighten my body I want to be in control, don’t want to be here.  Being here is accepting what is as is.  No returns.  You can’t return this moment to the universe and say:  give me something else.  

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Today's Status Update

Absolutely nothing has changed.  I am neither better nor worse. After years of self-improvement, awakening from the dream, I haven't changed at all, mainly because at the core I am always the same.  

This journey was about removing that which doesn’t belong, that which was put there by others and about embracing myself.  That's why I don't feel any different.  I expected to come out of this a totally different person, but that is not the case.  I am still the same, except shinier with all the mud removed.

I met my Twinflame 16 years ago.  Without him I would not have gone on this quest because I had no reason to.  But he awakened me and I couldn’t ignore it.  I call him ‘the carrot’ because he’s been dangled before me like a carrot to keep me going.  Thus the url of my blog: “the weekly carrot”.

In the past 16 years I have seen him only briefly, and that was 7 years ago.  We never had any private conversations, only connected professionally. 

16 years is a long time and a waste of the best years of my life, we both have gotten older.   But today I feel so strongly that when we meet again we will pick up where we left off as if we have never been physically apart.   My heart jumps for joy.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Who Am I

Today I am asking myself: Who Am I?

Something has ended and I don't know who I am.  I have lost my false identity. There is nothing in front of me, no direction.  In a sense I am glad because the old is finished.   Although there is sadness with this.  I will sit with this sadness until it passes.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Law Of Reverse Effect

When you can’t fall asleep and you try to force it you will accomplish the opposite because any effort is against sleep.  Sleep is a relaxation.  You cannot do anything for it to happen, you cannot force it, you cannot Will it. 

When you move into the unconscious, into the depth of yourself, that fragment which is consciousness, that fragment which is Will, is left on the surface.  You cannot take your surface to your depth, you cannot take your circumference to your center. The mind cannot go there.  It's a place beyond the mind.

When you make efforts to go to sleep, it is self-destructive, you will push it further away and become more awake.   That’s called the law of reverse effect, the oldest sutra of Taoist and Zen. 

The only way to fall asleep is to do nothing.  Just relax and wait.  You cannot Will it. Will is against the unconscious because Will requires force.   That’s why willpower and promises don’t work except make you feel miserable, guilty and ashamed when you can’t keep them.  That’s why New Years resolutions fail. 

Let things happen, don’t force them.  There are things which can be forced – all that belongs to the conscious mind can be forced. But there are things which cannot be forced – all that belongs to the unconscious, to your depth, cannot be forced.

Will cannot bring anything out of your depth. Only surrender brings it, only when you let go, when you are relaxed.  

Doing nothing is the hardest thing to do.  Doing pushes everything further away.

You go through rituals but there is no ecstasy.  You look for technique, it keeps you cold; because you are in your mind you cannot go into the depth of yourself. 

Everything people do is to satisfy their minds. That's what all the rush is about.  In the end they have nothing.  As long as you are trying to understand you will not go anywhere.  The mind keeps you from yourself.

When the inner world is taken care of the outer world will follow.

Friday, July 20, 2012

You take my breath away

Peoples breathing is shallow to begin with but when around other people we hold our breath even more so, thus, they take our breath away, but not in a good way. 

If people would breathe fully we all would be in the present moment all the time where we can’t be governed by social belief systems. 

If you can’t breathe fully you can’t live fully.   Breathing anchors me in this present moment where there is abundance and life and everything I need.

The less we breathe the less we feel.   By controlling our breathing we control ourselves, we shut down.   We will go places but we won’t be there because our lives will function outside our conscious awareness.  Breathing takes us into our very core.

Breathing changes everything.  The world will change when my breathing changes.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Do Nothing

“luna” (by LuisBeltr├ín)

An atom is 99.99% space which leaves a nucleus of .01%, which is the size of a fly compared to the size of a cathedral.  The mind has this ratio backwards.  The mind will keep us busy to get things done turning everything into matter rather than keeping it in the form of pure energy.  What you focus on expands.  If you focus on solving a problem, that problem will get bigger and consume your life. 

Physicists have proven that "reality" is in the eye of the beholder. What we perceive as true is entirely based upon our beliefs.  Everybody is creating their own illusions.

There are no solids in the universe.

Enter that mammoth space and you won’t have a problem with illusion.  In fact, you won’t have a problem with anything because everything stays energy, the way it’s supposed to be, zooming around at breathtaking vastness. 


If you want something you have to align yourself with nothing.  That’s the paradox.  Everything is born out of stillness and nothingness.

I am stillness.

When I am aligned with the present moment I am an unstoppable force.