I spent 3 wonderful days with my daughter.
You can’t step into the same river twice. I knew when I returned home I would not go back to the way things were. The moment I got out of the car my neighbor approached me saying that I am driving too fast and he wants me to slow down. He is the one who ran over his dog, not me. Just because he is a lousy driver doesn't make me one. My body drives the car and I don’t let my mind interfere with it. If birds had minds they would fly into trees second guessing themselves. They fly at enormous speed through the woods without crashing into something. Only the human mind is so stupid wanting to be at the helm of life. The mind interferes with the speed of life. We are extremely fast creatures, and that man wants me to slow down? Not on my watch.
People want me to agree with their fears, opinions and beliefs, to be just like them, slow and dead. I have given too much blood to the universe to still be part of illusion. As long as I participate I keep getting the same experiences.
I am cycling through a lot of feelings and my mind is beating me up that I was too harsh with that man in front of his wife and son. Reality is: I did what I did because I was supposed to do that. The mind is second guessing. It doesn't matter what my mind is telling me, the important part is what I am feeling, all the feelings have to come up so that they can be released. There is a lot to feel and my mind is coming up with the worst, that he may call the police or talk to my landlord.
Staying here has become unbearable. I am being squeezed from all sides. Always perceive you have a choice and never take it, that’s the present. I would like to move in with my daughter. I can't bear the thought of sticking it out here. My mind needs a place to go to. My body doesn't. If I run from it the same situation will be waiting at the new destination.