Friday, April 11, 2014

Only do what brings you joy

Obamacare.  It's mamdatory.  I didn't know it until this morning.  I don't have a penny to go on any health-care plan.  Money comes in to support my sane lifestyle and not fund my fears.

I am not saying people shouldn't have health insurance.  My son's accident cost almost half a million and it was paid for by 2 insurances.  In my case, I am not supposed to have health insurance at this time, which means I have to let go of the fears surrounding not having insurance.  My experiences are here to help me let go of my fears.

The contrast of the outer world is staring me in the face every day to let me see what I have given power to so that I will no longer participate in it.  Than the world becomes a playground rather than a mine field.  

Society condemns self-love. We learned that we aren't good enough.  You have to be gentle with yourself.  No one will do it for you.  

My freedom came through submission.  You can only be as independent as you are dependent.  I had to submit even to my kids, my crazy neighbors, my ex. It made me furious.  Those were the first steps to release my patterns and my ego.  Now I only do what brings me joy.

All cords will be cut.  Letting go of emotional attachments to people, places and things is a bittersweet pill. I said good-buy to a very dear friend.  When something is finished you move on.  You don't get to stick around. 

The old model is based on obligation, neediness, co-dependence, all disguised as love.  The new model seems cold, detached and selfish, but it isn't.

Now the question is, what brings me joy?  That's a new can of worms that's been opened.  My first thought was going on a vacation, flying somewhere. How can I have joy without money.  I want to buy things and that costs money.  THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH MONEY (that's my mind).  Obviously that's not what joy is.

I would like to go ahead, but it would be a patterned go-ahead.  So I wait for what shows up naturally. I landed in a new space which requires a new approach.

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