This is a process that cannot be understood by the mind.
The people that left my life, many of them are back. The only place I ever go is back to where I started. Every time I think I am leaving I am being thrown back into the same old, same old, however, I am no longer the same old, same old.
I need a lot more stimulation. My energy is like a cyclone. I no longer vibrate at the same level as the people I know. They take forever to say something and I interrupt them. I am not waiting for them to be done with their lengthy stories. It's like I am a butterfly and they are the slow caterpillar.
Being around the same old, same old is a point of calibration. I get to see how much I have changed. I know I can trust the process and there is never a mistake, that my experiences have been carefully selected, that being here is still beneficial.
I am so bored, I am getting real. I used to sensor everything I said and did. Now its like, who the fuck cares. Its time to play differently. The only thing that ever changes is me. The world around me keeps staying the same, but my responses are new.
This reminds me on ground hog day. He keeps repeating the same day. My mind is going crazy if I would have to repeat and be stuck in this place, that's why I am finding new ways to be, by being authentic. The inner has to change first before the outer changes. If the outer changes first, the inner wouldn't change.
I am still having my training wheels on.