This is only a ride, and there are no rules.
Many parents promise their kids a reward when they are good. That's not how the universe works. I have done the work and was waiting for my reward. I was fooled to belief that things will get better. They don't. They get better and worse in equal parts. There has to be balance.
The mind now has a different master. It's called experience. The universe, my soul, is after my experiences, and I don't get to chose those experiences, neither can I get out of them.
I have been called a fatalist.
Things seem random, hit and miss. It's all about deprogramming the mind. Its our fatal expectations of certainty that make this ride hellish. Nothing is going our way. Only after the fact will I know how it went. I can't predict anything beforehand. I am always wrong because of my human mind. I have to go further, waking up from the dream, not just waking up within the dream.
I have never been so uncertain.