So much uncertainty

I thought it was over, but it’s just beginning.  The more I release the crazier my life gets.

There is so much movement, stops and goes.  Everything is imploding on itself, like big waves that come crashing down.  I don't know where I am nor where I am going.

More maturity is required of me now and that's why I experience these tremendous highs and lows.  I love, love, love my life right here, right now.  That's where I make the mistake.  It has nothing to do with where I am nor what I do.  It has something to do with this moment.  My capacity to embrace this moment has multiplied.  If I think that my love is based on the external than I will make the external more important than the internal.  What goes on in my life has nothing to do with the external.  When you are ready to be offended an apple will offend you.

There is a new aliveness in me, but there is also a much deeper sadness going on.  A woman at the farmers market picket that up.  She said that when she looked at me there was so much sadness but now my aura feels really good.   I told her that I cannot hide anything anymore.  When I feel more, people will also feel more.

The same with anger, it’s fiery. I am always alone when that shows up.  And than there is such incredible peace.  I have become a cyclone that expresses all these feelings.

I am in a womb that protects me.  Everything is planned for me to the smallest detail.  Knowing this, I can trust the process.