People abhor the present moment and do anything to escape it. Reality and illusion are totally different. I have no problem letting go of illusion and still I go through insanity, terror, anger. Every emotion possible is showing up.
Yesterday I went through another personality death. Today I had to face terror and then anger. At a deep level I know why I have to go through this.
I don’t get what I want. What I want comes from the personality, the conditioned fake me. The universe will not feed my illusions. It’s enough to make me furious. I can’t coerce the universe to act.
I keep hearing: “It’s not going to be the way you think.” At this point I am fed up. My path has turned into a cliff. I hate my life, yet I have been through this so many times and came out of it. What is up with waiting until the last freaking minute before something changes. To get me out of my mind, that's why, so that I can go beyond the mind.
When you can’t go on that’s where you decided to stop.