Spikes in the Abyss

I am going to lay it out there.  I don't care if anyone thinks I am nuts.  This is my experience.

My sons unemployment benefit is running out this month.   Major survival fears surfaced in me.  I descended deeper into the abyss and there were spikes staring at me in the darkness.  

After releasing this terror my son asked me to withdraw most his money from his account.  I did it without giving him any hassle, without asking him what he needed the money for because after the release I felt free from the illusion of this planet.  My action came from a place beyond my conditioning, from a place of my true Self.

I hate releases.  There is so much darkness, terror, no way out, vibrational dislodging of matter and illusions, a hellish down spiral.

I can only stay in the present moment when I have cleared illusions, dysfunction and mental concepts because none of these are who we truly are.   There is only this moment and its always new.   We can't drag anything old into it.  Only this moment prepares us for the next.  

The closer I get to the present moment the more I have to release.  Its nerve wrecking.  Nothing ever goes the way I plan it or expect it.

If I get what I want I will go deeper into the illusion because what I want comes from my conditioning.  Not getting what I want releases immaturity.