Friday, September 21, 2012

Going Deeper

I don't feel comfortable in my skin.  Every day I die more.  I am being gutted like an old building leveled to the ground.  

I know that I am safe and that I can let go.

Today I felt the death of the Universe.  Everything shut down. 

I live in solitude and have no idea how I am going to emerge.  I have to surrender everything and I don't know what everything is.

I thought I was done, could finally move on, but that is not the case.

The universe throws me a carrot here and there to keep me going. After all, my mind still needs its occasional food because reality to the mind is unbearable.  So the universe tricks my mind by showing me a mirage so that I can escape by making me belief that something is going to happen, but than it doesn't.  By then I am strong enough to accept it and I realize I no longer want what I was shown.  It was only a bridge to get me to this point.

A former roommate came to visit.  If he wants to move back in I am going to scream.  Whatever shows up is perfect.  I am at the mercy of the universe, not at the mercy of people.

That's why people fight, they want to stay in control.  There is only one upset, the loss of the present.

I have been prepared for the descent into deeper parts of me.

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