Saturday, May 21, 2011

Observing vs. meddling

Life is like a board game.  When you meddle you get to repeat the experience.  When you observe you get to advance to the next phase.

I have been living at my ex's apartment for over 3 months.  He got married and is now living with his wife.  He is a hoarder and his stuff is still here.   We have to be out of here by the end of the month.

This is the strangest move ever.  My mind is flipping.   One more week left and they are not moving anything out of here.   Every room is filled with stuff.  My mind is expecting this to go a certain way but its not happening.  Their actions give me problems, but I won't meddle.  Now my mind is trying to figure out what's going on.  My son just left with an empty trailer to go to his dad's place.  Why didn't he load it up?   How are they going to get all this stuff out of here by the end of the month?

My conclusion:   Illusion makes sense.  Reality is insane.  In the world of illusion what appears sane is insane and what appears insane is sane.

It is so hard to observe and accept everything the way it is.  I want to meddle and know what's going on, but I won't because I am not going to repeat this experience.  So I am going to allow it to be the way it is.  I feel insane right now.  What makes you insane also makes you sane.

I have to get smaller.  I can't look at this with an agenda.  I can't give it the label 'moving'.  Moving is made up of many moments.  I can't decide what's going to happen in the next moment, nor what it should look like.  I have to allow the moment to show me what's supposed to happen.


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