Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The universe has been waiting for this

The gods must be pleased

The universe wants my ego dead.  I am smack back where I was 7 years ago when I got the divorce.  Now my ex-husband is full tilt back in my life because of our son's coma.  

The best way to kill the ego is to submit to someone difficult, which my ex is the most difficult person I know.

My mind doesn't know where to go to process this.

When you are not the witness you are the meddler.  

My best defense is to be the witness and not to fight, to approach each moment without an agenda.

You can only be as independent as you are dependent.

Yesterday the universe briefed me on what is going on.  This isn't just about my son’s journey.  This is about the divine feminine and the divine masculine.  People get to see the dysfunctional masculine through my ex’s actions, how he undermines me at every turn.

When my son comes out of the coma he may move in with his dad for rehabilitation.  I don't know for sure.  I don't have the money to get a place for us, neither do I need the money.  It's not my responsibility.  I am the divine feminine, the creative energy.  I can't manifest anything, that's the job of the divine masculine. The universe will have someone lined up to manifest what is needed. 

People want to be in relationships but they don't want to let go of their ego.  And that's why relationships don't work. Wanting something from another is abuse.  People have expectations of me which I will not live down to.  They expect me to be the dysfunctional feminine, because that’s the only model they know.

As for now, I am still at the house because I need a familiar place. I am not paying the rent.  I have no idea where I am going from here.  It doesn't really matter, it's all in perfect order.

I talked to my brother-in-law.  He is also on the awakening journey.  But in his case he gets what he wants.  He has a job he loves, owns a house, has a girlfriend and travels.  And when life is made that easy for someone they end up giving you unsolicited advice on how you should live your life, which he did.  Seeing that I am destitute in his eyes, he told me that I need to plan things and find out what I want.  What does it matter if I plan things or find out what I want.  My son is in a coma, all my planning would be futile.

This moment prepares me for the next.

For him as for so many others, awakening is still a mental concept.  Just wait when they start feeling.

This is too big for me, but the universe is bigger.  The universe was waiting for this. 

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