Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Enlightenment messes with your mind

My son is doing better.  He is starting to wake up from the coma, but is not quite here yet.  He had another surgery yesterday as is expected with so many tubes going into his body.

I am experiencing more stillness, emptiness, nothingness than ever before, which is causing my mind to go bunkers.  The mind always wants something to do, wants to be filled instead of empty.  More emptiness means terror to the mind.  And that's what I have been feeling, insanity and terror.  My mind wants something to grab on to, but there is nothing.  The mind wants to go back to its familiar patterns but they no longer exist.  New pathways have been created and there is nothing familiar about them.

It is a moment by moment unfolding.  Nothing can be planned because nothing is going to be the way I think.  By not knowing what's going to happen my body is releasing fear and so many other emotions that have been stored in my cells.

Enlightenment is losing your mind.

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