Problems exist in the mind only

Reality is kind, illusion is brutal.

The universe showed her kindness by making my ex sick.  He had 3 surgeries in the last 2 weeks and is bed ridden.  He attracts chaos wherever he goes, in fact, he looks for drama and problems where there are none.

There are no problems in the present moment.

Since my son is out of the coma he has been showing quick signs of recovery. However, he is still suffering and in pain.  I haven't left the Hospital in the last 6 days and sleep in the truck under the stars on top of the parking garage.

The urge for drama is an energetic imprint that wants to be fed.  People will do anything to keep their drama alive,  like an alcoholic reaching for the bottle they satisfy their need for havoc by chopping people's heads off.  I stepped into my ex's hospital room to pick up something and he started shouting about suing someone. The nurse came in and thought we were fighting.   I didn't get sucked into his agenda.

His need to be right has cost him his relationship with his children, but his ego doesn't care.   His ego has blinded him and he doesn't see that neither the children nor I am at fault.

Enlightenment messes with your mind

My son is doing better.  He is starting to wake up from the coma, but is not quite here yet.  He had another surgery yesterday as is expected with so many tubes going into his body.

I am experiencing more stillness, emptiness, nothingness than ever before, which is causing my mind to go bunkers.  The mind always wants something to do, wants to be filled instead of empty.  More emptiness means terror to the mind.  And that's what I have been feeling, insanity and terror.  My mind wants something to grab on to, but there is nothing.  The mind wants to go back to its familiar patterns but they no longer exist.  New pathways have been created and there is nothing familiar about them.

It is a moment by moment unfolding.  Nothing can be planned because nothing is going to be the way I think.  By not knowing what's going to happen my body is releasing fear and so many other emotions that have been stored in my cells.

Enlightenment is losing your mind.

The dumbed-down human

My ex asked me to hand over my son's iPhone and laptop.  At that moment I realized that technology is holding us back.  We all have that in us.  I have known that we have been dumbed down but was unaware to what extend.

Then I traveled at the speed of Mach^xi.  It was too much for my body and I had to curl up into a ball until it was over.  I broke through the barrier that is holding humanity back. 

I needed this upgrade because I am so much more.  I cannot live in this dumbed-down version of myself anymore and I yearn for my full expression. 

My life has become extremely easy because my mind can no longer terrorize me with 'what if' and needing to plan every detail.  I am not thinking anything through.  I just follow wherever my body leads me because my body is always in the present moment doing what it's supposed to be doing while the mind always overrides it until you become aware of the limitations of the mind and you will never again listen to the mind.  

The mind doesn't know the future. 

My son is starting to come out of the coma.  There is so much going on, yet, I hardly ever do anything except clearing the energies surrounding the events and then everything falls into place effortlessly.  Everything is born out of stillness.

Energy comes before matter.

I die before I die.  That's how I can deal with almost having lost my son.  I have been clearing the energetic imprints from my body so that I can breeze through everything that shows up.  There is nothing holding me back, no emotions, no believes,  no ancestral programming.  The process of clearing was the hardest I have ever had to do because in essence I had to feel everything on it's way out, every madness, every insanity, and there may be more to come.

We are taught to hold on.  We were forced to go outside before we even had a chance to go inside.  We have lost so much, and I have won it all back.

I took the truck in for inspection.  As I waited outside a man parked his car and asked me if he can park there.  His body took him to the perfect spot to be next in line, but he didn't notice it.  Always trust your body.

The universe has been waiting for this

The gods must be pleased

The universe wants my ego dead.  I am smack back where I was 7 years ago when I got the divorce.  Now my ex-husband is full tilt back in my life because of our son's coma.  

The best way to kill the ego is to submit to someone difficult, which my ex is the most difficult person I know.

My mind doesn't know where to go to process this.

When you are not the witness you are the meddler.  

My best defense is to be the witness and not to fight, to approach each moment without an agenda.

You can only be as independent as you are dependent.

Yesterday the universe briefed me on what is going on.  This isn't just about my son’s journey.  This is about the divine feminine and the divine masculine.  People get to see the dysfunctional masculine through my ex’s actions, how he undermines me at every turn.

When my son comes out of the coma he may move in with his dad for rehabilitation.  I don't know for sure.  I don't have the money to get a place for us, neither do I need the money.  It's not my responsibility.  I am the divine feminine, the creative energy.  I can't manifest anything, that's the job of the divine masculine. The universe will have someone lined up to manifest what is needed. 

People want to be in relationships but they don't want to let go of their ego.  And that's why relationships don't work. Wanting something from another is abuse.  People have expectations of me which I will not live down to.  They expect me to be the dysfunctional feminine, because that’s the only model they know.

As for now, I am still at the house because I need a familiar place. I am not paying the rent.  I have no idea where I am going from here.  It doesn't really matter, it's all in perfect order.

I talked to my brother-in-law.  He is also on the awakening journey.  But in his case he gets what he wants.  He has a job he loves, owns a house, has a girlfriend and travels.  And when life is made that easy for someone they end up giving you unsolicited advice on how you should live your life, which he did.  Seeing that I am destitute in his eyes, he told me that I need to plan things and find out what I want.  What does it matter if I plan things or find out what I want.  My son is in a coma, all my planning would be futile.

This moment prepares me for the next.

For him as for so many others, awakening is still a mental concept.  Just wait when they start feeling.

This is too big for me, but the universe is bigger.  The universe was waiting for this. 

The Matrix - The Master of Deception

People buy into the Matrix and keep it alive.  People look to leaders to solve problems.  It's a rigged system.  The abuser poses as the healer; the destroyer becomes the hero; the attacker the rescuer; the infiltrator the liberator; the terrorist the leader.

The false war on terror.  TV uses mind control.  The masculine and feminine are reduced to a program version with a distorted view of the opposite sex, distorted body image.

We are looking to the tools, to technology rather than ourselves.   Dark beings are behind the tools.  We are made of all that stuff.   

Dark beings also hold back technology.  Our homes and automobiles could be much more efficient.

I have done without technology, but since my son's accident it was made available, however, both laptops broke down, I lost the charger for the cellphone.  With all that technology people still can't reach me because they aren't supposed to.  Especially now I spend more time in nature to recharge myself.

Cellphones have taken people even further away from their inner voice.  I can see the dark forces smiling with glee as the gullible public is spinning out of control, going hysterical when technology breaks down.

Nothing is more powerful than our source energy.

The Other Side

My son may not come back. (He's in a coma).  I have to include all possibilities.

His dad may or may not die at this time. (He had emergency surgery and is on the same floor as my son).

If my son dies his dad won't survive it.  If my son lives his dad will want to be in his life even more, thus keeping my son in the old energy which will be impossible because he will be upgraded to the new.

This morning I woke up in the future.  I was disoriented.  My ex was dead, the funeral had already happened.  Maybe this is a premonition.

One of them is going to die, or both, or none.  This shall be interesting. 

The electronics aren't working, laptops, cellphone.  The truck is making a weird noise.  Physical breakdowns everywhere. 

I am cracking up.  The librarian wants to know who is barking and a guy said that it's his turrets. The guy next to me keeps barking and I can't stop laughing.  The universe is sending me a good laugh. 

Esoteric Coma

My dad died and my son is in a coma, traveling the corridors of the galaxies.

My ex-husband had emergency surgery and is on the same floor as my son.  He was going to help me move everything out of the house so that I can live closer to the hospital.  I don't have the rent money to keep this place going anyway and it takes almost 2 hours getting to the hospital.   But of course the universe has another plan.   Coming up here to the mountains, away from the city, a change in scenery.   This is my retreat.

My son needed to slow down.  The universe has its ways of making one stop.  He is visiting other worlds, and when he returns to his body he will be a different man. 

All his injuries are to his head.  The swelling in his brain has to come down before they can do the CT scan to find out what internal damage was done.  The scan was scheduled for yesterday, but the swelling hasn't come down.  It's my son's way of saying Leave me alone,  'Do Not Disturb'.

A coma is a soul principle.  His soul left the body which is only a shell without consciousness.  His soul went somewhere to contemplate his life, to decide whether to continue with this life or to go on to other experiences. 

Illusion requires maintenance

Wanting something from another is abuse.

In the dysfunctional world people build fortresses with moats to keep others from invading their massive structures of illusion.  Only people with the same illusions are allowed in.

Illusion requires maintenance.  People need your help to maintain their illusions, not only that, you are obligated to help them, especially when you are their friend or related to them, or live with them, and they don't even ask.    I am in such a situation.  This person automatically assumes that I will do something for them.  They want something from me and that is abuse.  

The universe will not allow me to carry their illusions and bales me out every time.  It is imperative to have no agenda, no preconceived idea of what I am going to say or do.  Any knowing comes from conditioning.

To the ego it looks like this person is using me and I have to be careful not to get caught up with the ego but let this develop moment by moment.

In the world of illusion that which is sane appears insane and that which is insane appears sane.  If I don't play the role that has been force upon me I am looked at as insane.   The loop of their dysfunctional minds can only perceive me as a role, they expect me to behave a certain way.  They have no idea who I am and telling them is futile.  You can only hear what you know.  If they knew they would behave differently.

You can approach life only from the present moment.  Living in the present moment is mind-blowing to the ego.