I am still going through the transition and I feel horrible. I want to feel better but I can’t. My path ends here. There is no path. I stand on an empty plain. I don’t know what I am doing and where I am going. The familiarity stops here. I am plunging into the abyss of not knowing. There is no resurrection for me.
Faith is an illusion. Hope is an illusion. I am formless consciousness and now I get to live as such, where each moment stands alone, unique, never repeated. I live in total discomfort. I can’t even imagine what’s next. I only know that I have outgrown my life. There is nothing I can do to feel better. I want to puke.
Everything has to be let go of before the new can show up. I should be glad that I have been brought to this place.
Many years ago I went through a similar transition. My old life had come to an end and my new life was in the making. I was hurting for 6 months straight. Back then I didn’t know that transition is marked with uncertainty, discomfort, insanity, death, tears, pain and so much more.
Right now I just want to die. Maybe that’s what I am asked to do, something is still hanging on, not wanting to let go. I am not going to try to figure this out. The bottom line is I am hurting horribly and there is nothing I can do to stop it.