Saturday, May 26, 2012

Lost in Transition

I am still going through the transition and I feel horrible.  I want to feel better but I can’t.  My path ends here.   There is no path.  I stand on an empty plain.  I don’t know what I am doing and where I am going.  The familiarity stops here.  I am plunging into the abyss of not knowing.  There is no resurrection for me.

Faith is an illusion.  Hope is an illusion.  I am formless consciousness and now I get to live as such, where each moment stands alone, unique, never repeated.  I live in total discomfort.  I can’t even imagine what’s next.  I only know that I have outgrown my life.  There is nothing I can do to feel better.  I want to puke. 

Everything has to be let go of before the new can show up.  I should be glad that I have been brought to this place.

Many years ago I went through a similar transition.  My old life had come to an end and my new life was in the making.  I was hurting for 6 months straight.  Back then I didn’t know that transition is marked with uncertainty, discomfort, insanity, death, tears, pain and so much more.

Right now I just want to die.  Maybe that’s what I am asked to do, something is still hanging on, not wanting to let go.  I am not going to try to figure this out.  The bottom line is I am hurting horribly and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

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