I am still going through the transition and I feel horrible. I want to feel better but I can’t. My path ends here. There is no path. I stand on an empty plain. I don’t know what I am doing and where I am
going. The familiarity stops here. I am plunging into the abyss of not
knowing. There is no resurrection for me.
Faith is an illusion.
Hope is an illusion. I am
formless consciousness and now I get to live as such, where each moment stands alone, unique, never repeated. I live in total discomfort. I can’t
even imagine what’s next. I only know that I have outgrown my life. There is nothing I can do to feel
better. I want to puke.
Everything has to be let go of before the new
can show up. I should be glad that I have been brought to this place.
Many years ago I went through a similar transition. My old life had come to an end and my new
life was in the making. I was hurting
for 6 months straight. Back then I didn’t
know that transition is marked with uncertainty, discomfort,
insanity, death, tears, pain and so much more.
Right now I just want to die. Maybe that’s what I am asked to do, something
is still hanging on, not wanting to let go.
I am not going to try to figure this out. The bottom line is I am hurting horribly and
there is nothing I can do to stop it.
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