Meltdowns are breakthroughs

My son's truck, my present home

I don't know how much more I can take.  I have one meltdown after another.  Meltdowns are breakthroughs.  I would like this experience to end, but it's accomplishing what it's supposed to, breaking me of my patterns and judgments and mental ideas of how life should look like.  I don't get to decide what experiences come my way.

I have been ill for 3 days contemplating whether I should check myself into the emergency room.  But I don't have health insurance.  I waited it out and I am getting better.  When you feel good things always look better.

Years ago I saw a movie based on true events, 'Anything to Survive' about 2 teenage girls surviving the harsh Alaskan winter for 2 months without food and shelter.  I have food and shelter. 

Our bodies are capable of so much more.  Domestication destroys our resilience.  My life is being simplified even more.

When you can't go on, that's where you decided to stop.