Monday, December 17, 2012

On my own

I have been staying in my sons hospital room over night.  He is getting discharged on Wednesday but has to come back in a few weeks to have his skull bones put back in.

He is going to live with his dad and I don't know where I am going.  I don't like it at all, but I have to accept what the universe has for us.  

I have been experiencing deep sadness.  The old is dying and I am glad, but does it have to be so painful?  I have nothing to go by other than my internal compass.  Everyone around me is living in the old world.  I am transmuting so many survival issues.  I don't blame them for wanting to live in the matrix.  At least they are not tormented as I am.  They have something they can count on.

I may have to spend Christmas the traditional way.  There was no room at the inn and Jesus was born in a stable.  I may end up living in my son's truck.  It seems that the universe has forsaken me.  I have always kept my chin up but lately my heart has been heavy.

This morning I felt my body being taken apart at the molecular level over and over again feeling the swirling energies and then being put back together. 

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