Chaos precedes change

When someone is upset they are perceiving something in their live as solid, something in their live that will remain the same.  The mind is frozen.  The mind perceives that things never change. 

It's impossible to bring the previous moment into this moment.  The previous moment is too heavy, I can't lift it.  I am traveling too fast to drag anything along.  I am shedding baggage instantaneously.

Each time a new area opens up I feel the frozeness of that area, I feel where I am stuck.   Attention opens that area up.  People mask what they are feeling not realizing that this is their way out.  By not feeling it they keep having to repeat the same stresses.

The Pearly Life

Frequent irritation helps oysters create pearls.  

Man am I irritated.  I must be making luminous pearls.

I am being led further and further away from my mind.  My mind has kept my life in place, making it look the same and sane when in reality there was nothing sane about my life.  

Change is the only constant in life and if you don't change you are insane.  

The fastest way to sanity is feeling insanity.  It's a good thing, and it doesn't last long, it only shows up intensely for a moment and than it's gone and you have received an adjustment.  I know I have to go through insanity to become sane, there is no way out.

Spontaneous Makeover

I live in an environment that I hate.  If I get what I want I will make the illusion real.  What I want is always illusion, I never want the real thing because the real thing is always beyond my threshold.  When the real thing shows up I am being pushed beyond what I can handle so that I can spontaneously reorganize myself at a higher level.  

My environment is helping me to fall apart.  However, I am not really falling apart, I am losing everything that isn't me.  Who I think I am is falling away.  It appears as death, but it's really the prelude to life.

I am being upgraded so that I can function in new ways because the old ways no longer work, they helped me survive, but I am no longer in the survival mode.  As long as I have to survive I don't grow.

I can only grow when I am safe, that's why I keep revisiting the old lair.  It seems like the same shit is hitting the fan over and over, coming full circle but always at a higher level, because something has to stay the same for me to feel safe so that I can grow.  The day will come where nothing has to stay the same, where  I won't need the false security of familiarity.

Chaos is a sign that I am being pushed over my limit so that my system can reorganize itself at a higher level.  But it only works when I allow it to happen.  Avoidance through medicating myself with distractions or blaming others for my problems will keep the same problems alive.  Avoidance doesn't transmute anything.   The road out is the road in.  To get out I have to go in.

When I reorganize myself everything around me spontaneously reorganizes itself as well.  This increases my possibilities infinitely.

The mind and the matrix

Knowing the law of attraction I don't know how I ended up living in this dump.  It shows that the universe will not be manipulated, that I get what I need and not what I want; and that my mind is not a correct representation of what is needed in my life because my mind wants something else.  The universe never makes a mistake and me being here serves a purpose.   Everything that isn't me is being removed.  I am being repaired. 

The mind can't be used to make decisions because they are based on how to survive in the patriarchal world.  When you are whole you are in that world but not of it.  The laws of the Matrix do not apply to me.  Using my mind will keep me on a path that isn't me.  My thoughts will crush me.  You have to know that the Matrix is an illusion and that you can't belief what your mind is telling you.  Your mind will never let you leave the Matrix.  It will have you focused on the illusion that you are going to die, and die you will, but it will only appear that way because you will lose everything that isn't you.

The mind is a friend of the Matrix and will not betray its bosom buddy.  Since you don't know what's real it's easy to fall for its traps.   If you can't face yourself you will bury yourself in that world.  Buried alive - how does that feel?  You can't breathe, no one will dig you out, why should they?  They are buried in there with you.

Extreme Makeover

There is only one word:  Ugly, ugly, disgustingly ugly.  Don't look for beauty at this stage

Inside the cocoon, enzymes dissolve most of the caterpillar into a soup of undifferentiated cells and then the butterfly grows out of the same DNA.

I am being dissolved, painfully dismantled, broken down into unidentifiable objects.  My life is a mess.  I have to remind myself that it is supposed to be this way.  I am inside the cocoon where things aren't pretty, a decaying caterpillar, not yet a butterfly.  Allowing it to take away everything I know and have been. 

Just keep enveloping my web around the body slowly in the dark cocoon, keep going deeper, undergoing an unknown transformation.  The fat, slow, unsightly caterpillar turning into a light, free butterfly.
 

Then the butterfly emerges, beginning its life by casting off a cocoon that enclosed its former self.

Not yet there, still inside the dark metamorphosis.

Extreme Makeover.  From the Caterpillar to the Butterfly

Trick and Treat





I am walking in the dark.  I don't know what reality is.  This planet doesn't know reality.  If it did we would be living different lives.  

To keep going down the rabbit hole the mind has to be tricked.  When I can't go on a mirage appears, or alternate reality, something good I belief is going to happen, but it never does.  When I get to that point the mirage disappears and I can go on because I am stronger. 

It's like being in the desert.  I go from mirage to mirage to mirage, having a carrot dangling in front of me and never reaching it.  Because ALL the illusion has to go before I get to have a life.

Nothing I plan is working out, so I lose my mind.  The universe gets me to lose my mind.  My life doesn't depend on my mind.

The mind wants things to stay familiar and linear.  The mind hates change but change is all there is.  If you don't change you are insane, but you don't know it because your life looks so sane. 

Illusion looks sane, reality looks insane.  To leave the world of illusion we have to walk through a lot of insanity.

I have to get tricked to leave illusion and eventually I will get my treat.

 

The Space Filler

In the world of illusion neediness is disguised as love.  I love you under certain conditions.  People get married not because they love each other but because the other person is the most qualified to fill the spaces with something they are familiar with.  However, that space is not meant to be filled.

99.99% is space and only .01% is matter. There is a reason for this.

Illusion can't exist in that space. In that space you lose everything, your identity, your possessions; you won't be possessed anymore.

People are petrified of that space and don't ever want to experience it because it means the end of the illusions they have built.  It means feeling death and terror which they can't handle.  They hurry along keeping busy so that they won't ever notice anything.

Like in the movie 'The Village', don't go beyond that fence.

When you listen to your mind life is difficult. When you listen to the universe life is complex, things are moving along faster than you can blink because your mind isn't stopping you.

No action should ever arise from the mind.

The Downside

I want a life other than what I have.  If I get what I want I will go deeper into the illusion.  The universe is providing a life outside my patterns, it's not what I want.  It's exciting but I also hate it.  There is so much uncertainty.  Reality is looking at the abyss continually.

Winter is the time of death, which means my cells are being cleared of low vibrational debris, of anything that keeps me from moving forward.  Illusion is falling away and it appears as death.  The only thing that keeps me going is that when Spring comes I shall live again.  

In order to have a magical Summer I have to go through this. You can only have a magical life when you lose your mind, when the cells have been cleared of illusion.

The upside can only be as high as the downside is low. If you avoid the downside you won't get the upside either.  Life will be boring and predictable because you won't have the capacity for anything new.