The old is gone, where is the new?

My mind is screaming for something it can recognize.  Today is a brutal day.  So many questions.  I don't know where I am going or what to do.  I have died and now I don't know how to go on.  I should be happy about this, but I am not.  The question of survival is looming over my head.  How can I make any decisions when everything is constantly changing?  I can't push myself to go back to what once was.  Everything is new and the old isn't fitting into this.  I am in transition.

Being true to myself in the world of illusion

Can I be free each moment where I don't sell myself or carry anything, where I don't have an agenda no matter what?  

The mind always intervenes and comes up with a story where we either love the moment or hate it depending on the story.  

When there is no story the truth can be revealed and my behavior will change.  People will pull me into their illusions if I let them.  They will squeeze me into their iron mold where I suffocate.  They have expectations of me and I am supposed to live up to them.  I can't and won't do it anymore. 

Can I live in the world of illusion and still be my true Self? 

Yes, I can.

Attitude problem

 Just shove it up your ...

I can no longer function inside the illusion.  I am quite happy about that.  But what do I do with my sales job?  They still operate in the old patriarchal way and I don't fit into that anymore.   They can just shove it up their....

Now I get to live in the present moment and see what shows up in each moment, to not have an agenda even when the people around me have one.  Where I don't leave myself anymore just to please my boss.

Change

I don't have to beg for change because its coming, I can feel it in my bones.  I hate when I don't know what is coming my way, but my body is alerting me that something is up. I have this undeniable feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Change first happens at the cellular level before it shows up in the physical so that when it shows up I won't freak out.  Change is happening faster now and I can't stop it.  All is well when you don't push against the universe, flow with it.

Teaching without saying anything

There is more space in my life.  My mind used to keep me busy and nothing was ever accomplished.  I was always planning and I was never present.   

I met a hardcore saleswoman today.  There are no spaces in her life.  She has the patriarchal mind mentality where more is best.   She didn't even hear me.  She talked at me instead of to me.  To her I didn't exist, only the tape recording in her head. 

The universe orchestrates everything.  Now I get to do my sales job without expectation and without doing anything. 

The Tao Te Ching 

3.  Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place. 

   
2.  Therefore the Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything.  
She has but doesn't possess, acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.  That is why it lasts forever.

47.  The Master achieves without doing a thing.

63.  Act without doing; work without effort.

The Tao Te Ching translated by S. Mitchell

Death and rebirth

Soul to soul can never teach what unto themselves was taught because one has to experience it and words won't give you that experience.  You cannot describe a delicious meal, you have to taste it.

Only my soul has the answers for my life.  No other human being holds anything that is true for me.  Everything I have believed is disappearing.  I am going through death again and I won't know what will be born out of this.

The mind is here for entertainment only

My mind will never again hold me back.  It will never again be in charge.  I have learned to listen to my soul and I am safe.  If people knew the havoc their mind is creating, but if I speak up I will be the one labeled insane.  The mind is giving people false security.  Misery feels safer than the unknown.   

The Tao Te Ching

2.  Therefore the Master acts without doing anything 
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come; 
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess, 
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.  
That is why it lasts forever.

3.  Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place.

The path not traveled

How on earth did we get off the path?  Were we ever on it? 

When my addictions are gone life is harmonious.  By addictions I mean wanting to go places when I am home; doing things when I am not doing anything; wanting people around when I am alone.  An addiction is wanting something other than what is showing up.  Being in the past or future, anything that keeps me from being here is an addiction.  This moment alone is real.  Knowing that this moment supports me and provides everything I need.

The Tao Te Ching
 
64.  Rushing into action, you fail.
Trying to grasp things, you lose them.
Forcing a project to completion,
you ruin what was almost ripe.

Therefore the Master takes action
by letting things take their course.
He remains as calm
at the end as at the beginning.
He has nothing,
thus has nothing to lose.
What he desires is non-desire;
what he learns is to unlearn.
He simply reminds people
of who they have always been.
He cares about nothing but the Tao.
Thus he can care for all things.

The Tao Te Ching translated by S. Mitchell

The mind on fire

My mind always comes up with an emergency to pull me out of the present moment. The mind will tell me what to do, when and how to do it. The mind's tricks aren't easily discovered. "You can't sit there and do nothing, you have to get going."  When I am rushing I am on my own, the universe will not support me.  I have to stop and align myself with the universe.  

The other day I was in a hurry to get to my job and I locked myself out. It made me remember that I will always get to where I need to be when I am supposed to be there.

No illusions in my mind and no resistances in my body.  I have to let go of everything including my job and see if I will end up there.  I will get there when I get there.  And no premeditating of what I am going to say.  No more carrying of anything.  I cannot leave the present moment and think that something in the future is more important than what is happening now.  I cannot prepare for the future because it doesn't exist.

Tao Te Ching

38. The Master does nothing,
yet he leaves nothing undone.
The ordinary man is always doing things,
yet many more are left to be done.

48. In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.

Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.
True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.


74. If you realize that all things change,
there is nothing you will try to hold on to.
If you aren't afraid of dying,
there is nothing you can't achieve.
Trying to control the future
is like trying to take the master carpenter's place.

When you handle the master carpenter's tools,
chances are that you'll cut your hand.

  The  Tao Te Ching written by Lao Tzu, from a translation by S. Mitchell

Leaving the illusion

We are programmed to belief in the same illusions.  Fear has kept me from exploring a world outside the illusion.  Daily I recreated my life to be the same as the day before. 

The mind is here for entertainment only.  The mind is not capable of making life's decisions.

This reminds me on the movie 'The Village'.  People may laugh at the primitive believes. There are other movies like 'Pleasantville'.   Anyone who watches them and disregards them as dumb doesn't see that their lives are just like that.

I will never be a man again

You are beneath me

My part-time sales job has got to go.  I want my freedom back.  Living inside the patriarchy where I am expected to abandon myself is abusive.  My female body can't take this kind of abuse.

The patriarchy rapes everything in its path including the earth.  That's why the disaster in Japan is happening to show mankind that nuclear power is not safe.  There are alternatives.

I spent years transcending the western mind and now I am expected to function in it again, its not happening.  I will never be a man again.  That's the lot of women in this society, we aren't allowed to be women. That's why women have become men. The feminine has been eradicated, but is on her way back.  The divine feminine and divine masculine are healing this planet.

We are all autistic

Autism is a developmental disorder that affects the brain's normal development.   It is characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. 

People think the same thoughts over and over.  They prefer one thing over another.  They continually talk about the same subjects.  Their behavior is repetitive.  You know their opinions and they seldom change.

People are not present in this moment to become aware of their cellular patterning so that something new can show up.  It sets us up for repetition. 

From birth we are programmed.  If a child were allowed to develop its nervous system without interference it would be reflective in their lives. From the moment we are born our nervous system is being impaired.  We are put on a schedule, put in front of a TV, given toys instead of given attention.  We are given answers instead of finding answers for ourselves.

When a child goes to school the child receives limited communication: "Have you done your homework?  Have you cleaned your room?"  The child better has an answer that pleases the parent.  How many children, especially teenagers, can be open with their parents? 

People do things the same way every day, they have to-do lists to make sure its always the same. 

People behave decorously, they have programmed answers and programmed behaviors, a very limited existence.  

The law of attraction

We do not attract what we want but what we need to become whole.  Why do we abuse ourselves so much and blame the other person for it?  What causes this blindness?  Why do we not see that we are the cause of our suffering?  When we blame another we get plenty of support from our friends making us right and the other wrong.  

People come in gorgeous packages, pretty on the outside but rotten to the core.  They know how to behave decorously.  And people are ok with it, to them its normal, they delight in gossip and complaining.  Its a habit.  Just like an alcoholic who needs the bottle so does the mind need the same thoughts over and over.  You have to retrain yourself to think new thoughts.

Male women

When you live inside the illusion you don't notice anything.  The way things are set up is not normal but is the norm.  I am supposed to be of value to society.  I am to be here for others.  If I am here for others than they are supposed to be here for me.  That creates neediness.  People are afraid of their own power and there is nothing I can do about it.  I cannot set someone free who doesn't want to be set free. 

What is the epitome of femininity?  Women have become men for whatever reason.  What is the epitome of masculinity?  I would love to experience that.  I yearn for that kind of relationship where I don't need him so that I can have him.  Where I don't need anything so that I can have everything.

I am a fish out of water

No sooner did I settle into my new part-time sales job that doesn't pay a dime the next surprise showed up - a new house guest.  Things have been moving rapidly, that's exactly what I need.  I have no control over anything, it just shows up.   

Letting go of everything I know about anything

I cannot not do what I am doing.  Another big surprise showed up, I am in sales.  After living in isolation for many years I am back in mainstream society.  I went to get some water and ended up getting a sales job.  Its strictly commission.

If you can't be still you will get ill

The universe is always in balance.  People who are out of control will create situations in their lives that will slow them down. They will either get sick or someone in their immediate family will require care as in the case of a woman whose very successful sales career came to a screeching halt when her mother became ill.  How else is the universe going to stop these people from creating havoc wherever they step. 

When bad things happen to good people.  It doesn't matter how good you are but how much are you in tune with the universe?  There are no mistakes nor accidents.  The universe works with mathematical precision.  When the mind is still you will know why things happen.  Life does not require effort.  Everything is always taken care off.

Losing my mind

I am not out of my mind yet but getting there.  When I have lost my mind completely life will be delicious.  Then I get to be as a child again.  Unless you are as a child you shall not enter into the kingdom.  

Infants are content playing with their toes and finding it delightful.  Then grownups come along with toys.  That's when addiction starts.