I will never be a man again

You are beneath me

My part-time sales job has got to go.  I want my freedom back.  Living inside the patriarchy where I am expected to abandon myself is abusive.  My female body can't take this kind of abuse.

The patriarchy rapes everything in its path including the earth.  That's why the disaster in Japan is happening to show mankind that nuclear power is not safe.  There are alternatives.

I spent years transcending the western mind and now I am expected to function in it again, its not happening.  I will never be a man again.  That's the lot of women in this society, we aren't allowed to be women. That's why women have become men. The feminine has been eradicated, but is on her way back.  The divine feminine and divine masculine are healing this planet.

We are all autistic

Autism is a developmental disorder that affects the brain's normal development.   It is characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. 

People think the same thoughts over and over.  They prefer one thing over another.  They continually talk about the same subjects.  Their behavior is repetitive.  You know their opinions and they seldom change.

People are not present in this moment to become aware of their cellular patterning so that something new can show up.  It sets us up for repetition. 

From birth we are programmed.  If a child were allowed to develop its nervous system without interference it would be reflective in their lives. From the moment we are born our nervous system is being impaired.  We are put on a schedule, put in front of a TV, given toys instead of given attention.  We are given answers instead of finding answers for ourselves.

When a child goes to school the child receives limited communication: "Have you done your homework?  Have you cleaned your room?"  The child better has an answer that pleases the parent.  How many children, especially teenagers, can be open with their parents? 

People do things the same way every day, they have to-do lists to make sure its always the same. 

People behave decorously, they have programmed answers and programmed behaviors, a very limited existence.  

The law of attraction

We do not attract what we want but what we need to become whole.  Why do we abuse ourselves so much and blame the other person for it?  What causes this blindness?  Why do we not see that we are the cause of our suffering?  When we blame another we get plenty of support from our friends making us right and the other wrong.  

People come in gorgeous packages, pretty on the outside but rotten to the core.  They know how to behave decorously.  And people are ok with it, to them its normal, they delight in gossip and complaining.  Its a habit.  Just like an alcoholic who needs the bottle so does the mind need the same thoughts over and over.  You have to retrain yourself to think new thoughts.

Male women

When you live inside the illusion you don't notice anything.  The way things are set up is not normal but is the norm.  I am supposed to be of value to society.  I am to be here for others.  If I am here for others than they are supposed to be here for me.  That creates neediness.  People are afraid of their own power and there is nothing I can do about it.  I cannot set someone free who doesn't want to be set free. 

What is the epitome of femininity?  Women have become men for whatever reason.  What is the epitome of masculinity?  I would love to experience that.  I yearn for that kind of relationship where I don't need him so that I can have him.  Where I don't need anything so that I can have everything.

I am a fish out of water

No sooner did I settle into my new part-time sales job that doesn't pay a dime the next surprise showed up - a new house guest.  Things have been moving rapidly, that's exactly what I need.  I have no control over anything, it just shows up.   

Letting go of everything I know about anything

I cannot not do what I am doing.  Another big surprise showed up, I am in sales.  After living in isolation for many years I am back in mainstream society.  I went to get some water and ended up getting a sales job.  Its strictly commission.

If you can't be still you will get ill

The universe is always in balance.  People who are out of control will create situations in their lives that will slow them down. They will either get sick or someone in their immediate family will require care as in the case of a woman whose very successful sales career came to a screeching halt when her mother became ill.  How else is the universe going to stop these people from creating havoc wherever they step. 

When bad things happen to good people.  It doesn't matter how good you are but how much are you in tune with the universe?  There are no mistakes nor accidents.  The universe works with mathematical precision.  When the mind is still you will know why things happen.  Life does not require effort.  Everything is always taken care off.

Losing my mind

I am not out of my mind yet but getting there.  When I have lost my mind completely life will be delicious.  Then I get to be as a child again.  Unless you are as a child you shall not enter into the kingdom.  

Infants are content playing with their toes and finding it delightful.  Then grownups come along with toys.  That's when addiction starts.

 

This too shall pass, but when?

My live doesn't make any sense.  I have lost everything again.  I usually do before I begin anew.  I don't know how long this transition is going to take.  I have to be very gentle with myself and allow it.  Nothing is comforting me.  That shows me that I am still attached to outside influences.  I want out so badly, but  I have to endure.

Every experience creates new pathways in the mind.  The mind is inflexible due to conditioning.  My life is always changing and my mind has to constantly adjust and since I don't know where all of this is headed my mind always fills in the blanks with horror stories.  Only my inner guidance will get me through this.  

Is your mind taking you for a ride

When your mind is in charge the consequences are brutal.  Illusion will keep you from seeing this.  The mind distorts everything.  To become sane you have to lose your mind.  

   

Going deeper into the illusion

Energy works circular.  That's why we always come full circle.  The same old problems seem to creep up but each time at a notch higher.  That's what happened to me.  I am back in an environment I thought I left for good almost 6 years ago.  I had to go back.  If I didn't I would go deeper into the illusion.  I now have the insight to see the illusion for what it is.

When we run from the present moment we go deeper into the illusion, thus creating problems.  In the present moment there are no problems.  The present moment takes care of everything.  

 

What makes you insane also makes you sane

We are each others homeopathic remedy.  What makes you insane also makes you sane.   The present moment is always sane.  When you escape from it you create insanity.  There is only one upset, the loss of the present.  When it requires maintenance it is illusion.

People without bodies

 

When you are not in your body you are not at home.  You are nowhere to be found. 

You allow your mind to abuse your body by forcing it to do things.   Let your body move your body and life will be gentle.   You will always be where you need to be and have what you need.  Your body always knows what needs to be taken care off and your mind often overrides it.    Your home is your body.  When your mind is in control you are beating the living daylights out of your existence.

Notice your body.  Is it relaxed?  How is your breathing?  Do you hold your breath?  When you relax your body you turn control over to your body.

Letting your body make decisions is scary because you have to come out of hiding.  I never know what I am going to do until I do it.  That way I am always present in this moment and not planning the future moment.

I never have a To-Do list.  I got married that way and divorced, I recently moved that way, everything ran smoothly because people are always where they are supposed to be, doing exactly what they are supposed to do to support me.

Stillness

Society wants me to behave like a dog in heat, out of control, always running. With the introduction of cell phones even more so.   Society is into speed.  They are fast but not vast.  Their fastness slows them down, whereas their vastness would speed them up.

With cell phones people can talk about their problems anytime, anyplace with their friends.  Stillness is a creative power.  Everything is energy.  The moment I speak this vast energy becomes dense and I now have created a problem for myself and it has to show up in my life.  I have made it real.  When people keep discussing their problems they are not solving anything, they are putting a boat anchor on it thus anchoring it into their lives.  Just be still and it will resolve itself because you are not giving it a chance to show up in the physical.

Ouch

What showed up naturally is not what I like.  I moved out of my place this morning.  I am in between.  A friend offered that I stay at her place and I would love to take her up on it but that is not where I am supposed to be.  

What showed up naturally is here to heal me and that feeling is not enjoyable.  It means facing myself which I really don't want to do.  But I cannot move on until this is resolved. 

I don't want to call myself homeless because I am at home in each moment.  People who run away from the moment are like fugitives.  They may own big houses and a large bank account but they are forever outrunning themselves so that they never have to face the music.

Can't say I am enjoying this.  This too shall pass.

The truth about the mind

The mind is trained to make up problems and than solve them, keeping you forever stuck in your head.  When you walk down the stairs you cannot fix breakfast and when you are sitting at the table you cannot shop for groceries.  Yet, your body sits at the table but in your head you are doing the grocery shopping.  You are always thinking about what needs to be done.  Such waste of energy.

Stillness aligns me with what is supposed to show up, it is a creative force.  When we talk about what is going to happen we change the energy, make it more dense, which makes it extremely difficult to move this dense energy.  When we are still the energy is fluid and things happen in an instant. 

When we prepare we slow down the process and prepare for the wrong thing, for something the mind thinks needs to be prepared for. 

People are blindly turning their lives over to their minds.  You have no idea of the consequences.   This knowledge comes through awareness and experience.  Instead of listening to your mind observe your body.  The body is always in the present moment and knows what needs to be done.  The body is intelligent and the mind is retarded, insane, ridged.  Life is simple when the mind is not in charge. 

Stolen Lives

Your mind has highjacked you.  We are trained to belief that the mind is the master and to take it seriously.  The mind is here for entertainment only and not to make life’s decisions.  Do you know how much abuse you are taking from your mind on a daily basis?  No one else is abusing you as much as you do. 

Probably the greatest fear is: ‘How will I survive if I don’t use my mind.’  This fear keeps the mind in the position of the master putting you right back into slavery.  But the ego won’t let you see this.  It claims: ‘The more you use your mind, the smarter you are.’  Intelligence does not come from the mind.  We were born intelligent and the mind makes you stupid, its that simple.  The mind robs you of everything, its a thief.

If your mind is in charge you will read this and think 'that woman is off the rocker.'  In a world that is still governed by the mind it will appear that way.

There was a time where people believed the world was flat and than they learned otherwise.  Columbus had to get the terrified sailors drunk to get them on his ships and sail beyond the horizon.  We are again at the brink of a horrendous paradigm shift, but people are terrified to let go of their minds. Just like the sailors they think they will surely die.

Waking Up

Being able to live in the moment without a past, without a future, without an agenda.   And the mind will do what it does best, fill in the unknown with its own horror stories so that you will go back to the mind and make it your master again.

Planning takes you away from reality.  You put something there because you don’t trust that what shows up naturally is what you really need, is what gives you life.  Reality never makes you leave yourself.  Reality is always kinder than anything you could put there.  Reality carries itself.   When it requires maintenance it is illusion.  Stillness will support you.

The mind screams, 'give me something familiar.'  Soul says, 'you have already done that, lets do something new.'

Oh, why did I sign up for this?  Illusion wasn't so bad when I was asleep.  Why does waking up have to be so cruel?  Because it creates depth.  The upside can only be as high as the downside is low.

Joy

Anything that does not look like joy should not be done.  The energy you put out always returns to you.  Not only that, on its way back it picks up speed and collects everything of like vibration, thus increasing it ten fold.  It could get quite messy. 

The universe is always listening, every single thought and feeling will be delivered with precision.  

And that’s why I am sweating. As always I will get rescued the last minute.  People are watching me and want to interfere with their fixed mind programming.  To them I am the one who looks insane.

In the world of illusion that which is sane appears insane and that which is insane appears sane.

The laws of the universe state that you must always experience that which you create.  So, if you suffer, don’t blame the government, your environment or your significant other.  It’s always you.

Force

When you force things you are paying an enormous price and you don’t even realize this.  Today I was granted this truth and it was jaw-dropping.  It causes so much misery but people won’t back off because the drilling factory called school, that mental institution, is all about the mind.  When you listen to your mind the very deeply ingrained collective angst will have you hit the emergency exit called planning and you will end up with the same old life, right back into slavery.  This is not who we are.

When there is no force there is only precision.