Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The raging storm inside

Do you know how horrible it is to be taught to never express yourself, to always have decorous social behavior and than on your way to wholeness you have to deal with this immense rage that is hidden away.

Over the years I have dealt with anger, but never like this.   I want to destroy everything in my path.   I hate it, but it has to come out.

I don't act on it when people are around.   I have been throwing things against the walls.   This place looks like a disaster zone anyway. 

There is a hurricane raging in me and I feel badly about it because we are not supposed to get angry.   When this is over I will be a freer person, I may even look different and certainly act different.   I will be more available to myself and others.

I know one thing for sure, I can never again wear the social mask that has been forced upon us.

It feels uncomfortable going through this transition to the true me.   Coming out of hiding is uncomfortable.

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