Abandonment

There is only inward movement.   The patriarchal mind teaches us to move outward, forward, reach for something outside ourselves and abandon ourselves.  

Whatever shows up should not cause us to abandon ourselves but move us inward towards ourselves. 

We were forced to abandon ourselves at an early age, to not trust our instincts but belief whatever the mind concocts. 

You move outward because your personality wants to stay in control, which is an illusion.   

I am learning to trust my body without the involvement of my mind.  The body knows everything there is to know.   I don't use my mind to prepare for anything.  

The fight and flight era is over.   We can now go home into our bodies where it's safe.   When there is danger our bodies alert us, but the mind always talks us out of it.  

I have heard of women who were kidnapped, each one was given warning signs but they didn't listen.   One woman was approached by a stranger in the parking lot wanting to know the time.  Her body told her to run.   She didn't run but let her mind talk her out of it: 'Oh, he just wants to know the time.'   She second guessed herself and was kidnapped.  

The body is always right, the mind often overrides it.

Kids have incredible instincts but their parents will rob them of it.

Without the mind life is easy. 

Any action should come from the body and not from the mind.  Actions coming from the mind require effort and limit your breathing.  Actions coming from the body are effortless and will not compromise your breathing. 

The raging storm inside

Do you know how horrible it is to be taught to never express yourself, to always have decorous social behavior and than on your way to wholeness you have to deal with this immense rage that is hidden away.

Over the years I have dealt with anger, but never like this.   I want to destroy everything in my path.   I hate it, but it has to come out.

I don't act on it when people are around.   I have been throwing things against the walls.   This place looks like a disaster zone anyway. 

There is a hurricane raging in me and I feel badly about it because we are not supposed to get angry.   When this is over I will be a freer person, I may even look different and certainly act different.   I will be more available to myself and others.

I know one thing for sure, I can never again wear the social mask that has been forced upon us.

It feels uncomfortable going through this transition to the true me.   Coming out of hiding is uncomfortable.

Doing what you love

Being in the moment is overrated.  People think they can keep their patterns while being present with what they are doing.

Being in the moment doing what you love, that's not how it goes.   Doing what you love belongs to the personality.   To enter the present moment you will go mad because the personality is in the way of being present.   The personality has to die before you can enter the present moment because the present moment is not tainted, it's not a repeat of previous moments.  Thus the experience of madness, because the old doesn't want to die.

I have been raging against the universe.  I can take no more.  I need a physical change, away from here.  The lease is out in less than 4 weeks.  I don't know what's going to show up and how it's going to show up.

Your mind is using you



The density of your thinking not only slows you down but has you living in a frozen world that exists in your mind only.  You attend to each thought as if it's real when in fact it's all illusion.  When the density of your mind lightens up you will notice the flexibility of life.

Flexibility is a blessing and a curse.  Things speed up energetically while slowing down physically.  You always have to wait for what shows up naturally instead of acting on it with your patterned responses.  No patterns allowed.     

In each moment the universe is always right.  The divine doesn't ask us for our opinion nor do we have free will.   Only the personality needs the illusion of free will and choice.  No one is getting out of this alive.  Our personalities are dying.  Not understanding this makes this transition especially difficult. 

People hang on to their false identifications and you can't tell them that this isn't who they really are.   Setting humanity free is an almost impossible job.  People live in their own captivity, yet their minds won't let them see this.  Everything they know and do is to keep the personality alive.

Chaos

The universe is massive  chaos.  The mind wants order.  That's where the conflict is.  The mind can't deal with chaos.  That's why you need your body to do the work.  The body knows everything, the mind knows nothing.  Let your body carry what your mind can't.

One of our roommates died 2 days ago of drug overdose.  That's why I felt so horrible the day before.  My body was preparing me to deal with the sheriff, the ambulance, the parents and everyone else involved in this.

When I feel horrible I feel the emotion I am having to the end degree.  I go all the way down with it until it turns on its own and than I rise effortlessly to the top. 

If I interrupt it on the way down than I can only go up as high as I went low.  But when I go to the bottom of the low I will rise to the top of the high.  

If I interrupt my emotional down spiral than there are still blocks that haven't been touched; and I need to touch every blackness there is, root it out of my system so that there aren't any blocks.  Any darkness left is a block that will get me later.  

I do a clean sweep by not interrupting the emotions I am having.  When I allow it to turn on its own the upside will show up effortlessly, like being carried up in an elevator.

People interrupt their emotional down spiral with drugs, alcohol, activities, etc. because they think there is something wrong with them, that they need to feel up all the time.  You can't have one without the other.  Get used to the hellish downside.

Solutions

I feel horrible.   It's one of those things that can't be figured out.   I am allowing it knowing that tomorrow is another day.  

I don't understand anything and that's good.   Things don't work out the way I want them to, but they work out the way they must.

Problems are illusions.   If you try to solve them you make them real.   If you are looking for a solution you have accepted that there is a problem.

We are wild and free

The mind wants a structured life, the body wants freedom. 

The Law of Attraction will not get me more things.  I attract everything I judge and repel.  That alone is hell which I cannot escape, I have to face it.  Everything I hate comes to me to set me free.

We are wild and free.  Our social conditioning has domesticated us to where we hate our bodies.   We are forcing our bodies into an artificial life and glorifying that life, calling the rest of the world savages.

The ego is such a wonderful flatterer.  It will keep you blind about yourself.  It will not let you see your own dysfunction.

Our bodies hold the map out of the prison of the mind.  We can trust our bodies to show us the way, yet people rely on their minds.

Insanity is when you keep doing the same thing expecting different results.