The Law of Balance

I have been naive. After years of self-improvement I thought my life would get better.  It isn't.  For it to get better it also has to get worse.

You have to lose your mind and when you do you will never know who you are because you won't recognize yourself and nothing will look familiar.  Things will change faster than you have ever experienced, but you won't have any control over what they change into.  You become dependent on the universe.

You want to be independent, but you don't want to equally be dependent.

If I move into one direction the scale has to adjust the other direction. Without darkness you don't know light.  Bittersweet.

I HATE MY LIFE. (I must also love it to the same degree than).
My life is getting worse. This means it must also be getting better.

Nothing has to change

The Yes Man

All my efforts have been poured into the illusion that I have to change things to have a better life, that I can't have a better life unless things change.  Nothing has to change.  I don't need more money to have a better life.  I don't need different circumstance to have a better life.

I have to let anything and everything in and allow it to massage me instead of keeping it at bay.  Like the movie  'The Yes Man' with Jim Carrey where he says yes to everything.  I don't get to say no.  The universe doesn't know no, it only knows yes.  Saying 'yes' allows me to have a bigger life.

Saying 'yes' gets under my skin.  What I attract into my life is not what I want.  I want less.  As I expand bigger things show up.  My life is opening up to anything and everything. 

Nothing is as it seems - 10 reasons

When 10 people witness the same event you get 10 different reports of the event making it look like different events all together.

The mind cannot interpret reality.  Our thoughts are only a report on a condition in us, it doesn't make it real.  Everything is made up.

If nothing is as it appears than you better stop believing how your mind interprets your life because that interpretation is costing you your life. 

One way to overcome this error of interpretation is to make up 10 reasons why someone does what they do.  For instance.  2 years ago my ex forbade me to be in my son's truck.  My first response was fury, that SOB.  As I made up several reasons why he didn't want me to drive with my son I came up with:  'My ex doesn't want me to get hurt because of my son's inexperienced driving.'  This turned my fury into love and now I saw my ex as someone who cared about my safety. 

When I have a problem with someone's behavior I make up 10 reasons why they behave that way and I make sure that at least one reason is hilarious.  Because nothing is as it seems and their behavior isn't what it seems either.  They don't have to change their behavior to make me feel better.  Nothing has to change.  They can be who they are and I am not threatened by it. 

Falling in Love



The face of the earth

The mind causes suffering because it makes one thing more important than another.  It sees differences where there aren't any.  There is no difference between a love letter and a bill.  At the level of atoms its all the same, little scribbles on a piece of paper which the mind assigns meaning to.

You prefer a love letter over a bill.  Preferences keep you stuck.  Fall in love with your bills.

Who am I today?

The person I was yesterday is dead.  Who am I today?  The more often you ask this question the more life you get to have.  I don't know who I am, I am always changing.  Change is all there is.

Every time I die I have more life. The more I die the more life I have, it's a trade off, I can't have one without the other. I hate my life as much as I love it. I have no control over anything, thank goodness.  The more I hate my life the more I love it in equal proportion.  That's the balance.  God, do I want to scream!!  WTF.  Who designed this system? Surely not I.

My cozy little life is disappearing.  I want this to stop.  But I can't stop evolution. The universe is in charge of that.  If I were in charge I would bail out because awareness isn't comfortable.  It is the biggest cruelty I have ever experienced.  It has me looking at my own shit and I always get to clean up my own mess.  I can't hide anywhere and I don't get to change anything.  It changes me. 

And than the dying part.  I don't like to feel death, but everything always dies before anything gets born.  This moment dies before the next moment is born, that's how often death shows up.  Death diarrhea, and I've got it.

Git'r done.

  

Guilty Presents



I want big balls for Christmas*

Christmas is the season of guilt.  Presents are given out of guilt and obligation. 

Guilt is another strong energy form of the Matrix.  The Matrix's survival is guaranteed by strong energy forms.  People don't want to transmute these energies by feeling them.  They don't want to feel uncomfortable and guilty, so they give in and do what they are supposed to.

Your cells remember how Christmas was when you were little and now you insist on recreating the same for your children.  If you were raised as a Christian decide that this year you won't celebrate Christmas.  If you were raised as a non-Christian decorate your home mammothly and shock your neighbors, this will get you out of your conditioning.

Presence changes the presents you give.

Any culture and its customs are stored in the cells of its people.  Cell memory keeps us from breaking away.  There is pressure to participate in cultural conditioning and you will go through withdrawal symptoms when you no longer go along.

Inside the Matrix love is shown by giving gifts.  It is neediness disguised as love because inside the Matrix you are only a thing, you don't exist and you have no power.  Inside the Matrix you are fucked up.

* If I would post that comment on the website where I found that picture the Matrix people would stone me.  The comment is irreverent.  When you leave the Matrix your life will be irreverent instead of predictable.

Cellular Hell

It's not what's in your mind that's making you miserable, it's what's in your cells that's holding you back.  The mind is only the interpreter of what's stored in the cells.  Freedom comes from releasing trauma and conditioning from the cells, otherwise you stay stuck and frozen. Releasing those things feels like death, but in reality it will give you life. 

Cellular memory keeps people from getting into their bodies.  As you throw off baggage you become lighter, your body becomes fluid, everything becomes possible.  You will have the capacity to be alive and present.

The universe blinks off and on zillion of times each moment.  If you can experience those little deaths you won't have to hold on to and store anything in your cells.

People don't want to feel those deaths, so they keep themselves busy. You can only go as high as you can go low.  If you don't want to go down you can't go up either, your world will be flat and predictable.  If you can experience the downside your upside will adjust accordingly.