Feeling Empty

As always, great insights, great highs are followed by a deep down spiral and death, schizophrenia even, getting schlepped all over the place.  I feel dead and empty, no connection to 3D really.  Its' not so bad.  

I feel so disconnected and I am grateful that I am at least busy.  I have been wondering whats been going on.

Now that I am writing this down I can see clearly why I have been feeling so empty.  Its part of the process.  An upswing will come again, riding the wave.

I have no predictions.  No idea where this is going.  Losing my mind and feeling ecstatic about it.

Amazing New Energies

August 22, yesterday, amazing new energies landed on this planet, something I have never felt before.  Colors were vivid, all my senses were in overdrive with incredible insights.

These energies didn't arrive on the planet from somewhere outside of it.  We create these energies.  We are powerful master creators. 

 

Weird Energies

On August 18 I transmuted horrible barbaric energies on this planet.   It was one of the worst feelings.  For 2 days I was so angry and emotionally charged.  I went back into 3D as if the past 17 years of this cruel journey never happened; as if nothing would ever change.

Last evening I started to feel good again.  Who knows how long this is going to last.  Things are weird and crazy and unpredictable.

The more light comes in the worse the darkness shows its ugly head.  Its the most uncomfortable feeling.

I noticed one butterfly. 

For now I have a moment of peace until the stormy journey continues.

Glimpses

I just had one of those out of this world glimpses.

In the past I have used some supplements and certain foods to assist my body in this relentless process of housing more light.  Nothing really worked, but it gave me something to do.  

Just now as I walked into the kitchen, drinking some water which tasted really horrible, looking at all the jars of fermented foods, I saw myself walking away from it all, leaving it behind, just grabbing a bag with my belongings and going on a journey to a new world, never coming back.  It's too much effort, living the way I have been living.  Its so old and I can't do it anymore.

My mind instantaneously had concerns.  Its trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out what its going to look like, my new life, because the mind always needs to replace something with something, it can't just be in the void and wait and see what develops.

Now my curiosity is being quipped.  Something new has to show up because I am so dead and so done with the old.

Maybe this is the year where I get to walk away from the old for good.  No more waiting.

The madness continues

You can't see a thing.  Yet you have to trust that the universe is working on your behalf.  It's maddening.  I get tiny glimpses of a new life and then its gone, going deeper into the abyss.

My abdomen has been bloated like a balloon, letting in more light, pushing out darkness and rage.  

Nothing is working.  The tiniest things take forever to accomplish. It feels like dense molasses.  I've been there before.

The exhaustion is incomparable, like having a severe nutritional deficiency.  There are moments where I come alive, but those fade quickly.  The life of the caterpillar in the cocoon before it turns into the butterfly.  This process can't be sped up.  It's already too taxing on the body.  I am in awe of the outcome. 

Perpetual time warp

Time Warp ~ Salvador Dali

We were raised to belief in a mirage.  The matrix is an illusion.  Nothing is real.  

I feel the immensity of this illusion and I am being stripped of it even more.

Our minds have no power other than creating mirages and illusions.  The mind cannot comprehend reality.

Nothing is as it seems.

I established a routine, a path that kept me sane in all this uncertainty.   It got wiped out.  Something came in and erased the tracks.  Everything keeps disappearing.  Its like living in a perpetual time warp.

Nothing works and nothing will ever work again the way we know it.

I saw a snake and 'The Fool' showed up.  Both signifying that change is on the way, and I have been feeling this. 

When The Fool appears, he is a signal to strip down to the irreducible core.  It may also be a warning that significant change is coming.