Leaving yourself

We were forced to leave ourselves at an early age.  We were not allowed to put things together ourselves, things were put in place for us by society, by our parents.

People want me to carry them by using many words, by being loud and animated.

I am Stillness.  I don't have to leave myself in order to make someone else comfortable.

I thought we had a great day, my dad and I.  We went shopping and ended up at a pub for fresh zoigl (homebrewed beer).  Some of his friends were there, we had a fabulous time, but for him being around me is difficult because my stillness brings out his shit and he can't deal with it, so he blames me for it.  He keeps attacking me relentlessly and projects himself onto me.  He tells me that I am extremely nervous and he doesn't know what to say to me, and on and on.

I don't know how much longer I have to stay there.  Last week he had a dream that I am leaving him.  I hope it's soon.

Escape Artists

When you plan you are turning your life over to your mind.  You are holding your breath and you are totally in your head.  You can’t be here in this moment where everything is new and fresh.

Life is decided at the moment and not a second before.

Only now exists, nothing else.  Every moment is a surprise and the mind can’t handle that, so the mind fills the moment with the familiar.

When something happens the mind takes over immediately and finds solutions, but those are mind based solutions which are limited.   Only the now makes endless possibilities available.

6,000 years of patriarchal mind dominance aren't easily overcome.  The mind can no longer safe us.  Only through heart work can we move forward.  We are required to feel everything.  Resisting is no longer an option.  We have to walk through the energetic experiences.