Leaving yourself

We were forced to leave ourselves at an early age.  We were not allowed to put things together ourselves, things were put in place for us by society, by our parents.

People want me to carry them by using many words, by being loud and animated.

I am Stillness.  I don't have to leave myself in order to make someone else comfortable.

I thought we had a great day, my dad and I.  We went shopping and ended up at a pub for fresh zoigl (homebrewed beer).  Some of his friends were there, we had a fabulous time, but for him being around me is difficult because my stillness brings out his shit and he can't deal with it, so he blames me for it.  He keeps attacking me relentlessly and projects himself onto me.  He tells me that I am extremely nervous and he doesn't know what to say to me, and on and on.

I don't know how much longer I have to stay there.  Last week he had a dream that I am leaving him.  I hope it's soon.

Driven by the mind

When you lose your job your programming will have you look for another job because that's all your mind knows.  The mind will always reach for the same experiences.

I am being shown alternate realities so that deep-seated emotions can show up.  I am experiencing that I will live in Germany and never again return to the states.  Those thoughts horrify me and I have to allow them until all emotions have been released because the mind's programming can never be in charge again, only my True Self can ever be in charge.

I should be comfortable with wherever my body is and whatever my body is doing.  But I am chok-full of emotions and my mind is like a run-away train and I keep being thrown under the train.  I have to release all of my conditioning, all my emotions.  

Nothing can be based on neediness.  I had to leave my children behind in the USA.  It seems like a very cruel joke but it is the road to freedom for all of us.  When I see my children again we will relate to each other on a completely new level.

Freedom, a.k.a. Leaving the tribe

When everybody wants a piece of you and you give it to them you keep the illusion alive.  We are whole and nobody needs us.

The mind is a prison.  The moment you use the mind other than for entertainment you are no longer free.  Live becomes a complicated web and now you have to keep track of it.

Education and freedom don't go together.

If you do what you want you are still not free because you are patterned, you have been told what you are supposed to want.  

We have to leave the illusion.

Things are getting stranger and its happening faster.  I still do the same things but I feel like I am in a different dimension.  Every day I go through tremendous shifts. When I ask for direction I always get the same response: "Be still, do nothing."  By doing nothing I don't bring old energies into my space.  Everything is moving at tremendous speed.  The moment I do something I slow it all down.  So I keep my activities to a minimum.