Pure consciousness

I am always shown several possibilities so that I don't know what's going to happen.  It keeps me in the present moment.  I have to be able to live without hanging on to anything.  I have to be able to not seek the familiar but be here as pure consciousness without expectations, without familiarity.  I have to bring the unknown into each moment.  Opposites also show up so that I know what is in my heart.

It happens to me all the time where I get dragged through the mud, where I have to give up everything, where only this moment exists. 

My daughter went back to the US.  I have to stay here until I get the ok to go back to the US also. 

Opposites

Whenever something wants to come into my life I have to also energetically experience the opposite.  Its not about letting go but about giving everything up completely and than watching what shows up naturally.  

You cannot have one without the other.  People avoid the downside but you cannot have the upside without going down, down, down into the pits of hell.  Following the universe is a maddening walk through hell because you are not getting to keep any illusions.  All of that has to leave our existence. 

I spent the last few days experiencing the downside.  With experiencing I don't mean going through it physically but feeling the vibrations of the downside.  It feels as if its real.  I had to experience the vibrations of loneliness, homelessness, being destitute, not belonging anywhere, being poor; giving up my children as if I will never see them again, the same way Abraham was to sacrifice his son, every illusion that connects us has to leave, I belief its an ongoing thing with my children.  There can't be any emotional attachment with them nor neediness.  

I had to go that low because the residues of those vibrations in my cellular structure are there and to transmute them I had to feel them.