The Edge

The edge keeps moving.  

When you can't go on that's where you decided to stop.   The old internal map has become obsolete and a new, more accurate map is going to take it's place.  The time between the old and the new can be a very trying and horrifying time because we don't know what's going to show up and we can't control what's going to show up. 

And when you have gone over the edge you will find that there has never been an edge, that it was only an illusion.

Natural Consequences

I am in my body which doesn't grant giving in to people's insane expectations of what should be.  

There is only one upset, the loss of the present.  

People are never present thus always upset.  You can tell by movies and TV shows.  The way people relate to each other is through drama.  That's the model we are given.  There are few sane people on this planet.

When you are sane you are like a rag doll, always breathing, never holding your breath, always in your body, never letting anyone pull you out of your body.  

Take everything deep into your body, resist nothing.  The body is always in the present moment, the mind never is.

Therefore I allow the universe to take care of the people I upset, that's called Natural Consequences.  I pay attention to what I am supposed to do and leave the rest up to the universe.  What others want is none of my concern.  I am Self-ish instead of selfish.  Now that's a paradox.

Who awakens spontaneously?

We are not objects, that's why medicating and distracting ourselves isn't working.  I have to face everything.  I can't just go shopping or have plenty of projects going to make myself feel better.  Numbing myself isn't working.  

I don't know where we are going.  The masses haven't even started to wake up.  When I feel this bad I stay with it and tell myself tomorrow is another day.  That's the only way for me to go into the depth of this horror show knowing that tomorrow will be different.

I have heard of people having spontaneous awakening, who felt peace and bliss ever since.  I would like to meet those people, because I am not one of them.  For me every upside has an equal downside.  I can't run away from it.  Today I am going down. 

Chaos precedes change

When someone is upset they are perceiving something in their live as solid, something in their live that will remain the same.  The mind is frozen.  The mind perceives that things never change. 

It's impossible to bring the previous moment into this moment.  The previous moment is too heavy, I can't lift it.  I am traveling too fast to drag anything along.  I am shedding baggage instantaneously.

Each time a new area opens up I feel the frozeness of that area, I feel where I am stuck.   Attention opens that area up.  People mask what they are feeling not realizing that this is their way out.  By not feeling it they keep having to repeat the same stresses.

The Pearly Life

Frequent irritation helps oysters create pearls.  

Man am I irritated.  I must be making luminous pearls.

I am being led further and further away from my mind.  My mind has kept my life in place, making it look the same and sane when in reality there was nothing sane about my life.  

Change is the only constant in life and if you don't change you are insane.  

The fastest way to sanity is feeling insanity.  It's a good thing, and it doesn't last long, it only shows up intensely for a moment and than it's gone and you have received an adjustment.  I know I have to go through insanity to become sane, there is no way out.

Spontaneous Makeover

I live in an environment that I hate.  If I get what I want I will make the illusion real.  What I want is always illusion, I never want the real thing because the real thing is always beyond my threshold.  When the real thing shows up I am being pushed beyond what I can handle so that I can spontaneously reorganize myself at a higher level.  

My environment is helping me to fall apart.  However, I am not really falling apart, I am losing everything that isn't me.  Who I think I am is falling away.  It appears as death, but it's really the prelude to life.

I am being upgraded so that I can function in new ways because the old ways no longer work, they helped me survive, but I am no longer in the survival mode.  As long as I have to survive I don't grow.

I can only grow when I am safe, that's why I keep revisiting the old lair.  It seems like the same shit is hitting the fan over and over, coming full circle but always at a higher level, because something has to stay the same for me to feel safe so that I can grow.  The day will come where nothing has to stay the same, where  I won't need the false security of familiarity.

Chaos is a sign that I am being pushed over my limit so that my system can reorganize itself at a higher level.  But it only works when I allow it to happen.  Avoidance through medicating myself with distractions or blaming others for my problems will keep the same problems alive.  Avoidance doesn't transmute anything.   The road out is the road in.  To get out I have to go in.

When I reorganize myself everything around me spontaneously reorganizes itself as well.  This increases my possibilities infinitely.

The mind and the matrix

Knowing the law of attraction I don't know how I ended up living in this dump.  It shows that the universe will not be manipulated, that I get what I need and not what I want; and that my mind is not a correct representation of what is needed in my life because my mind wants something else.  The universe never makes a mistake and me being here serves a purpose.   Everything that isn't me is being removed.  I am being repaired. 

The mind can't be used to make decisions because they are based on how to survive in the patriarchal world.  When you are whole you are in that world but not of it.  The laws of the Matrix do not apply to me.  Using my mind will keep me on a path that isn't me.  My thoughts will crush me.  You have to know that the Matrix is an illusion and that you can't belief what your mind is telling you.  Your mind will never let you leave the Matrix.  It will have you focused on the illusion that you are going to die, and die you will, but it will only appear that way because you will lose everything that isn't you.

The mind is a friend of the Matrix and will not betray its bosom buddy.  Since you don't know what's real it's easy to fall for its traps.   If you can't face yourself you will bury yourself in that world.  Buried alive - how does that feel?  You can't breathe, no one will dig you out, why should they?  They are buried in there with you.

Extreme Makeover

There is only one word:  Ugly, ugly, disgustingly ugly.  Don't look for beauty at this stage

Inside the cocoon, enzymes dissolve most of the caterpillar into a soup of undifferentiated cells and then the butterfly grows out of the same DNA.

I am being dissolved, painfully dismantled, broken down into unidentifiable objects.  My life is a mess.  I have to remind myself that it is supposed to be this way.  I am inside the cocoon where things aren't pretty, a decaying caterpillar, not yet a butterfly.  Allowing it to take away everything I know and have been. 

Just keep enveloping my web around the body slowly in the dark cocoon, keep going deeper, undergoing an unknown transformation.  The fat, slow, unsightly caterpillar turning into a light, free butterfly.
 

Then the butterfly emerges, beginning its life by casting off a cocoon that enclosed its former self.

Not yet there, still inside the dark metamorphosis.

Extreme Makeover.  From the Caterpillar to the Butterfly

Trick and Treat





I am walking in the dark.  I don't know what reality is.  This planet doesn't know reality.  If it did we would be living different lives.  

To keep going down the rabbit hole the mind has to be tricked.  When I can't go on a mirage appears, or alternate reality, something good I belief is going to happen, but it never does.  When I get to that point the mirage disappears and I can go on because I am stronger. 

It's like being in the desert.  I go from mirage to mirage to mirage, having a carrot dangling in front of me and never reaching it.  Because ALL the illusion has to go before I get to have a life.

Nothing I plan is working out, so I lose my mind.  The universe gets me to lose my mind.  My life doesn't depend on my mind.

The mind wants things to stay familiar and linear.  The mind hates change but change is all there is.  If you don't change you are insane, but you don't know it because your life looks so sane. 

Illusion looks sane, reality looks insane.  To leave the world of illusion we have to walk through a lot of insanity.

I have to get tricked to leave illusion and eventually I will get my treat.

 

The Space Filler

In the world of illusion neediness is disguised as love.  I love you under certain conditions.  People get married not because they love each other but because the other person is the most qualified to fill the spaces with something they are familiar with.  However, that space is not meant to be filled.

99.99% is space and only .01% is matter. There is a reason for this.

Illusion can't exist in that space. In that space you lose everything, your identity, your possessions; you won't be possessed anymore.

People are petrified of that space and don't ever want to experience it because it means the end of the illusions they have built.  It means feeling death and terror which they can't handle.  They hurry along keeping busy so that they won't ever notice anything.

Like in the movie 'The Village', don't go beyond that fence.

When you listen to your mind life is difficult. When you listen to the universe life is complex, things are moving along faster than you can blink because your mind isn't stopping you.

No action should ever arise from the mind.

The Downside

I want a life other than what I have.  If I get what I want I will go deeper into the illusion.  The universe is providing a life outside my patterns, it's not what I want.  It's exciting but I also hate it.  There is so much uncertainty.  Reality is looking at the abyss continually.

Winter is the time of death, which means my cells are being cleared of low vibrational debris, of anything that keeps me from moving forward.  Illusion is falling away and it appears as death.  The only thing that keeps me going is that when Spring comes I shall live again.  

In order to have a magical Summer I have to go through this. You can only have a magical life when you lose your mind, when the cells have been cleared of illusion.

The upside can only be as high as the downside is low. If you avoid the downside you won't get the upside either.  Life will be boring and predictable because you won't have the capacity for anything new.

The new energy is here

Massive new energy has arrived on this planet over the weekend. It feels like an invisible object has landed in my yard and I don't know what to do with it.  It feels strange.  It's taking it's toll on my body, I want to curl up and scream.  Everything aches and my body feels like lead, I can barely move my legs, although I did manage to walk to the lake.

You have to lose your mind so that you can travel at the speed that you are: beyond anything known.

This new energy is making me lose my mind.  My life is only bearable in the present moment.  If I go beyond the present moment it scares the crap out of me.

My mind can't process this energy, I can only feel it.  The energy feels like a flame that is burning through blockages, I have to give in to it.  The energy sits right in my gut.  I hate this.  I can't ask anyone about this because what do they know?  This energy has never been on this planet before.

My life has capsized.

This is too big for me to handle

The death gap

I live in the Magic Kingdom.  The road through hell will get you there.

Breathe and wait for what shows up naturally.  The gap between your breath and what shows up naturally is the death gap. 

You want to avoid feeling death so you reach for the familiar, something that guarantees your survival. 

When you wait for what shows up naturally you don't know what may show up, something unpleasant and uncomfortable, something that gets you out of your comfort zone, that's reason enough to run and grab the familiar. 

When you wait for what shows up naturally you always have to die before it shows up.

Shake, rattle and roll

The present moment doesn't require logic, it requires not knowing anything about anything.  The present moment is preceded by death to everything that ever was. The present moment can't be figured out, only experienced.  You can't prepare for anything.

People come up with manipulative slogans like 'The law of attraction'.  It's a mental concept that gives people the illusion of control.  You can't manipulate the universe. The ones who profit from it are the ones who sell the books to gullible people.  If things could be figured out we would already have done so.

The mind wants it's drug and the drug is called repetition. The patriarchal mind has turned us into human robots, predictable and seldom changeable.

The matrix is a trap. It has people living in the illusion that they have control over their lives, but they don't.  I can't change anything, I can only be present to what shows up., and this presence is what gives me life.

Professional Cliff Dangler

The universe will have you live outside your comfort zone where you perceive the abyss in front of you that isn't there, it only appears that way.  So you try to find patriarchal solutions to keep you away from that cliff because you are certainly not going to wait for what shows up naturally.  You aren't going to become a professional cliff dangler, it's too scary to wait for what the universe has in store for you at the last second right before you think you are going over that cliff.   You stay far away from the abyss as the passive onlooker of life.  But how can you launch successfully unless you stand right there straddling that edge. 

In this moment I don't know anything about the next moment at all.

The homeopathic life.  Like cures like.  Nobody likes to be given their own remedy, you may not survive it, but that's what it takes to cure your own shit.  Nobody is getting away with anything.  What you put out always comes back to you.

If you want to avoid feeling anything at all you are going to have to numb yourself so intensively that you appear dead to the people around you. You are going to have to embalm yourself with medication, food, talking, doing. You cannot outrun stillness anymore.

The eyes are the windows to the soul

.... and the mind is the trapdoor into hell.

In the present moment it's impossible to be upset because in the present moment everything is jaw dropping super perfect.

The mind doesn't see this perfection and finds problems with everything.

When I leave the present moment I am always upset.  Nothing is right and I want to fix it.  I ask others to help me fix it or I will prepare to avoid potential future problems, thus having all conversations revolve around fixing problems that exist in the mind only.  In the world of illusion this is called being responsible.  I no longer do this.  I am irresponsible.  I respond by not responding.

When you no longer connect at the level of problems your kids can breathe, they don't have to live in your insane world anymore and you can have a fun relationship with them.

Don't have an agenda.  Bring stillness into each moment and see what happens.

I am light, I carry nothing

Solving problems the patriarchal way only makes a bigger mess. Everything is energy. Trying to solve anything turns it into matter and makes it permanent.

Whenever I perceive a problem I ask the universe what I should do about it, I always get the same answer: Do nothing, just feel the energy of it, be with the energy of the problem.  This way it never turns into matter, its being resolved without it ever showing up in my reality.

The world of illusion is a place of matter where everything matters. Breath resolves matter.  Breathe through it to breeze through it.  Any heaviness gets resolved by breathing through it.

When you don't act on a problem but breathe through it you will shake in your boots because all that heavy energy is being dislodged from your body and you become lighter.

There is nothing that needs to be solved. The mind finds problems where there aren't any. The mind creates matter, breath creates flow.

The brutal beast

I am your mind.  I am here to beat you up.

Life is full of paradoxes. When I have little money I live on it effortlessly and have money left over. When I have more money it flies out the window and I have nothing to show for it.

My friend spends money and beats herself up over it. Her husband is trying to get her to spend less. There is lots of tension around money between them. You cannot not do what you are doing. You can only do what you do and never do what you don't do. She has to spend money until she doesn't.

My friend's mind is telling her that she should stop spending money. Her husband's mind agrees with her mind and now they have an argument going. This is what happens when the mind is involved. Your mind thinks that you can change 'what is.' You can't change anything . If people would understand this they would stop nagging each other and be ok with what the other is doing.

With the mind's commentary you will spend money and hate yourself for it. Without the mind's commentary you will spend money and feel gratitude.

Your mind will brutally beat you up and tell you that you are weak and a failure because you want to change something that you can't. Observing it will change it, but you have no control over what it changes into. Maybe you will end up spend even more money. You don't know.

The end of the patriarchal mind

On New Years day there was a dramatic shift. The planet was blasted with massive amounts of new energy. It's getting harder to keep the Matrix alive.

People everywhere are being pulled out of their minds. Our minds cannot keep up with this vastness.  We are being thrown out of our comfort zones.

Thinking things through isn't getting us anywhere. We are energetic beings and this energy is being felt in our lives.  Our minds have kept us from ourselves.

People are still doing the same things, but it doesn't feel like it used to. Everything feels different. Be present with it and feel it. That is the only option we have.

He ain't heavy

Most people live in the world of illusion and they expect me to support their illusion by helping them.

You aren't helping them by helping them.

"But he is my brother, he ain't heavy".  Put him down.  We aren't meant to carry somebody else's package, we aren't even meant to carry our own package.  We are light, we carry nothing.

My daughter is telling me that last semester was harder.  The universe is asking her to drop some baggage, that's why things appear more difficult.  When it gets tougher its time to let go of something.  But you can't drop it, it has to drop you. If you drop it you will pick it up later.  The only work on your part is observation, notice it, feel it.  The universe does the rest.

For 8 years of being around my friend she still hasn't noticed that I am not like her, that I have left the Matrix.  She is moving away and wants me to help her pack, not only that, her teenage daughter goes to the University a few miles from here and she wants me to take care of her daughter as well.  First of all, nobody provides for their children, the universe does that.

In the world of illusion as her friend I am obligated to help her, but I can't, my body won't allow it.  I am being asked to carry less and less illusion.

Definition for 'friend': A person you use and abuse to keep your illusion alive; someone you ask for help to carry your illusion; someone who agrees with your illusion; someone who has the same illusion as you do.

Reality is kind, illusion is brutal.

Illusion requires maintenance.

Illusion is exhausting.