Monday, October 28, 2013

Out of the loop

My Infinite I, or whatever you want to call it, wants me to have a radical experience.  My son did lose his job today, all in perfect order.

I am thrilled that I am finally out of the loop.  I have no idea what is being planned for us.  Every day has its own preparations.

There is no fear in me, only anticipation.

Reading Butterflies are free to fly has brought the turning point that I needed.  So many freeing insights.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

When the feet stick out from under the bed

I am staying, I am moving, each having its own set of emotions to be released.  That's been my dance for the last couple of days until I came to the conclusion that I am not going anywhere.

When Columbus sailed the waters, when people found out that the earth isn't flat, their perceptions shifted,  a new world opened up for them.  Today I had such a shift.   My believes became obsolete.  New waters opened up for me to sail.  My old life is gone.  I am dead to it.  I am literally in a new world.

Then my son walks in, telling me that he is probably going to get fired on Monday.  He was dangling 50 feet in the air on a platform without his harness fastened.  That's a safety violation.  He is a very hard worker, but even that isn't going to safe him.  Its time for us to move on and the universe opened that door.  I don't have to wait until Monday to hear the verdict.  I know he is going to get fired.

The rent is paid up until January 6.  $380 for a 1000 square foot apartment, hardwood floors, windows all around, 2 balconies, beautiful view.  I loved it here.

I am amazed at the order of events.  The universe didn't tarry to deliver the punch when everything was lined up.  There is no turning back now.  This is the next step to becoming a butterfly.

My mind wants to step in and handle this, but its way too big.  There is too much potent energy swirling around this situation and all I can do is breathe through it.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Another take on what's really going on

My life hasn't been working and now I know why.  It wasn't supposed to be working so that the Big Cheese could experience him/herself through me.  I am the one going through the experience of limitations for the Infinite One.

Experiencing limitations was the first part of the game.  We have entered the second part, the return back.

Stephen Davis wrote a book: Butterflies are free to fly.  He apparently is out of the cocoon.  There is no one more I want to be around than someone who has actually left the cocoon, because I want OUT myself.

His website fell into my lap 2 days ago when I did a Google search.  I am only half way through the book.  Conceptually I have known that I have no control and no say-so in my life, but to read about the why is actually comical.  

Everything on Stephen Davis' website is free.  He calls it a New and Radical approach to spiritual evolution.

Website and free eBook 'Butterflies are free to fly'

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Jumping into the unknown

I am flipping back and forth, and I am flipping out.

Massive, massive changes are on the horizon.  They are practically in my face.

Am I moving, am I staying?

My son is looking for a new job.  So many emotional releases.  I love this place.  I am saying good bye.

Building wings on the way down.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Everything I want is on the other side of fear

I thought that my new life was going to show up once I got to the bend in the road.  Instead, there is nothing but fear.  And it's inter-FEAR-ing with my light.

My soul keeps me going using mirages, where I think something great is going to happen, only to find more things to work through once I get there.

I am not going anywhere but IN.  I can't release fear unless I am in a familiar place.  I have to go in and I have to know that I am safe.  These past 7 months while living here the universe built a safety net that is catching me now.

I have reached the place where I can only go on and not back.  The journey is difficult, physically and emotionally, and it takes a while.  And I thought I was done.  Looks like I am going to be here longer than anticipated.

Everything I want is on the other side of fear.  ~George Addair

Friday, October 18, 2013

Now isn't now

Over night I was hurled into yet another new space.  The energies have been weird.  I don't know whats going on.  Its one of those times to wait and see.

It feels as if I am living in the future.  That now isn't now.

As if I am watching now from the future and that now is in the past.  So, what's going on now has already happened a long time ago.  I have arrived from the future, but I have no memory of that place.  Its my true place.  How am I going to function on this planet?  

It feels weird and beyond comprehension.  The people around me feel slow and ancient.   All the human drama somehow has left me?  Where was I last night?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My Souls Life

Liliana Sanches
I am in a new space and I know it.  I have a very short fuse and need protection from the outside world or I am going to beat the shit out of somebody.  I don't feel love, just massive anger.  I feel the earth at a very deep level and what's going on with her, maybe that's where all this anger is coming from.  It's ok.

I am too vast internally and the mind is too slow.  I still have thoughts, but they are just floating around.

Years of utter darkness and developing my root system under ground are coming to an end.  This is unnerving because I don't know where I am going.  Yet I know that I am leaving by the end of the year.  There is no physical evidence of it, however, it is showing up in my energy field.

I thought the next step would be with my twinflame.  He sold his house and I thought he was getting a divorce, only to find out that he built another house over the summer with his wife.  I was very upset.  Yet deep in my heart I know it has to be this way.  Long before we met the soul had already planned it.  Neither he nor I have a choice in this.  Another arrow through my heart again, but what can I do.  This is my souls life.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The tribe no longer decides my fate

A new level of hell just opened up.  I haven't reached bottom yet. 

So much fear.  So much pain.  So much unease.

Something has ended and I am hitting a brick wall.  How do I go on from here.  My mind doesn't know what to do with this new situation.

Being part of the tribe you know what to do.  Its all programmed into you.  I have left the tribe.  I have no road map.  The mind needs a map.  It needs to know whats next.  It needs action.  It can't deal with this nothingness.  Give me something, anything.

I guess stillness too has its levels.  I am releasing so much.  I have to find fulfillment in stillness.  Nothing is going to rescue me.  That darn rabbit hole.

I have no more tools left.  Quantum physics has helped me figure things out.  But now I am at a loss.  Maybe the time for something else has come.

This is what it takes to manifest your soul.  Fear, insanity and dysfunction can't be part of that life.

Friday, October 11, 2013

The mind will never understand the soul

I don't know how my soul resuscitates me every time after these immense down spirals, but she manages.  I am at the point where I want it all.  I have tasted freedom and there is nothing holding me back.  Whatever it takes.  The worst is over, it has to be.

When you are free you need nothing but yourself.  I haven't had any income for at least 25 years, yet I am still here.  If someone had told me I have to walk through this I would have died.  I was held back financially to keep me from running.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get out of it until I figured it out.  All I have to do is relax into it and allow it.  Everything I need and more has always been provided.

Every problem is an energetic problem, not a problem of matter and thus can only be solved through energy, feeling the vibration of it to transmute it.  That's all it takes.  Then the universe can rearrange itself to be a better fit.  I feel my life.  Figuring it out and planning will only give me more of the same.  The mind is too slow to perceive the massive energies that truly can be in charge of our lives. 

I wanted to run because I didn't want to know what was going on with me because then I had to do something about it.  But that's not true.  All I have to do is look at it and it will take care of itself.  Its the feeling part that's so uncomfortable.  Once the unconscious is made conscious nothing will hold me back.  I'll be the fastest draw in the west.

There are enough signs that something bizarre is happening.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

When you can't do this anymore

When you can't go on, that's where you decided to stop.

I died some more today.  I don't know how to go on.  I don't even know what keeps me going.  When that happens I allow myself to feel everything that shows up.  Its an energetic process, not a mental one.  I don't have to figure anything out.

Feeling the energies will take me to where I need to go.  It releases everything that's in the way of the ultimate freedom.  It shocks my mind out of its inflexibility.  It opens me up to more hell.  It stretches me to accept something new, the unknown.

Energetic openings are always a trip to hell first because of the unknown, otherwise we'd already be there.  We need time to adjust to the down spiral.  That's what makes this such a horrible journey, at least for me.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Sleepers

People are magicians.  They make me disappear.   They don't see me as I am, they see me as they are.  They want to get to know me, they want a story.  They think I am just like them, with the same desires, the same needs.   

I don't have much to say anymore.  Speaking slows me down.  It is tedious.  There is nothing of any interest to me.  3D is gaging me.   I have no patience for it.

I don't fit anywhere.  This is actually good news.

This morning the old left, again.  There was no drama, not like in times past where I was sad having to let go of so much.  It was a relief that I don't have to bother with that anymore.  I am really done.

I am in a place of waiting for a different life, a life I can't even imagine because its not going to be the way I think.

There are times when I feel strongly that its going to happen by the end of the year, other times it feels so far away.  Nothing can be predicted.